Dear….

 

I have not done "Dear" letters in some time.  I think it will be good to do them again. Why not for my 1300th Post 

 

 

Dear Dad,

 

Where have you been? Do you realize all that you are missing? Your only grandson hardly knows you.  You don’t come around nor do you ask to see how he is doing.  Hes 2.  A smart, vibrant 2 year old little boy.  A little boy who is so much like you its surreal.  I can already see the plans GOD has for him.  He will be doing something with his hands.  Your grandson is a tinkerer.  Just like you.  It makes my heart sad that you don’t come around like you should.  But what did I expect, you missed most of my life too.

 

 

Dear Papa,

 

You are by far the most amazing man in my life.  My life is that much more blessed because of you.   It makes my heart smile and sing to see the amazing bond that you are forming with your only great-grandson.  He loves you so much.  You are his “Poppi”.   I can only ask God that you are around for many more years so that the bond you two share can continue to grow so that he can carry memories of you with him after you are gone.  I want Noah to grow up to be as loving, generous, selfless and giving as you are.  I never doubt the love you have for Noah and I.  The father I needed all those years, I found in you.  You will never know just how much I love and appreciate everything you do.

 

 

Dear Mom,

 

I keep asking and seeking answers from God about you.  And I still don’t have any answers.  You missed out on your only daugher’s pregnancy and birth.  The only one I will ever have.  Now you have missed out on the first 2 years of your one and only grandson’s life.   Your last grandchild, the one you have never ever met.  Who knows how many more you will miss.  You should have been there for me.  You should have set aside your feelings for once to be there for me.  You should love me enough to care.  Grandma says you don’t even care anymore.  My heart aches because of you and Im doing everything I can to let God take care of it.  I know he will.

 

 

Dear Grandmas,

 

I only want to say something short.  The two of you are a combination of what my mother should’ve been.  I thank God for you two every single day.  Thank you for never giving up on me and for being there no matter what decisions I’ve made in my life.  

 

 

Dear Uncle David,

 

I have never written one of these to you before.  But I’ve been having dreams of you recently.  As much as I am ashamed to admit this to my fellow OD friends, I must.  You currently sit in prison.  When you get out?  Could be next year or could be 2021.  I wanted to write you because of my dreams.  I don’t know what triggered them.  Maybe because I saw the boys and Aunt Wendy a couple weeks ago and I saw your picture for the first time in years.  You looked… healthy.  There was a point in my life when we were relatively close.  All of us were.  I am disappointed in the man you are.  I cannot say the man you have become because this is not the first time you’ve been to prison.  I am disappointed in the son, father, grandfather, uncle and role model you are.  I pray for you.  I pray that when you get out you work on the things you’ve broken.  You work on becoming a better man, a better son, father, grandfather and uncle.  I pray that you find whatever is missing from you.  I pray that you are able to ask God for forgiveness because forgiveness is there.  I pray that you are big enough to apologize for all the wrong you did to my grandparents (your parents) before its to late and you regret for the rest of your life the things you did not do to make it right.  I forgive you for the wrong you’ve done.  I ask that God help you down the right path when you get out and not back down the wrong one.   No matter what you’ve done I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  Like I said there was a time in my life we were close and you were there for me when I needed you when my father wasn’t.  We have made memories together that I will always cherish.  This is the time of our life we should be making more.  Noah loves to play with Dalton and Logan when they are over.  I wish you could see them play.  These are the things I said to you in my dream.  It was mainly about you finding Jesus and our Father in Heaven.  I know he is in you somewhere.  I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t truly believe that.  I will continue to pray for your salvation.  I love you.

 

 

Dear Jackie,

 

Its no secret that I don’t like you, and I don’t have to.  I am going to start praying for you because that is what God wants meto do.  I will no longer let you make me feel the way I do.  I cannot be angry about you anymore.  I pray that you step of and be the mother those girls need.  Lift them up NOT down. Push them and encourage them to be whatever it is they want to be. And stop being selfish.

 

 

Dear Noah,

 

I’ve never written one of these to you either.  You will never know just how much love I have in my heart for you.  Even when you are at your worst with tantrums I still love you more than you will ever imagine.   You are my pride and joy and everything I prayed for.  You are God’s gift to me and I will cherish you for the rest of my life.  I will do everything I can to make sure that you never ever doubt my love for you.  I will be there for you no matter what. I will never judge your decisions and do my best to guide you to where you need to be.  I will do everything I can to encourage you to be whatever it is you want to be.  Hold on to your dreams and work for them because dreams DO come true.  I love watching you grow every day.  I love watching you learn new things.  I love watching you tinker with things. You are mommas little tinkerer.  Im sorry if I hug and kiss you so much, but love you with my whole heart and someday when you are older I will tell you why I am as affectionate as I am with you.   I love you my sweet boy.

 

 

My Dearest Husband,

 

Our marriage isn’t perfect but we somehow make it work.  Despite how I feel sometimes I still love you.  I just wish you would see how angry and upset you make me.  How neglected I feel sometimes. It should not take Christmas and my birthday for you to do nice things for me.  I have done my part at living up to Proverbs 31 just like you said you wanted all those years ago when we first met.   You have a Proverbs 31 wife who does and has done everything for you.  Yet you don’t feel the need to show me just what I mean to you.  I know you love me, but actions speak louder than words.  Like god says you can SAY Jesus is in you but if you go out and sin then you are a fool and a liar! You have to SHOW and LIVE like he’s in you.  Its your actions that prove Jesus is within.  I wish you would see how selfish you are and there has been so many times I just want to shout that to you but I don’t.  One of these days I just might.  

 

 

Dear God,

 

Thank you for my life.  It might not be perfect but it’s the life you’ve given me. I need to learn to thank you for the little blessings in my life daily and not worry about the not so perfectness as a whole.   Thank you for forgiving me for all the wrong I’ve done.  Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve such great forgiveness but I’ve received it nonetheless.  Thank you.