Alzheimer’s and Dementia

That’s what my grandfather was diagnosed with a couple of years ago around this time.   He turned 83 this past November.  The oldest of my 4 living grandparents.  Yes, I have all my grandparents with me still.  I am blessed.

In two years I have watched a man that I love and cherish become someone I am starting to not recognize anymore.  Right now he has more of the dementia.  He knows who I am and when he is awake I can have conversations with him.  He sleeps a lot.  He has night terrors that that cops have had to been called to.   My grandma told me yesterday that one morning he left without telling anyone.. took the keys and drove to “work” .  He retired a good 20 years ago.  The building he worked at isn’t even there anymore.  Someone called the cops on him and an ambulance because he seemed disoriented to them.  Cops called my Uncle, thank god not my mother.

Long story short… my grandfather had his license revoked in October 2017.  I was there with him and on his behalf.. thank God too because my Uncle showed up drunk to his hearing.  My mother, who was the one who started this process, wasn’t even there.  My grandfather is still driving despite everything.  Not as much as they used to.  My grandfather is a strong man.  The day he lost his license I tried taking the keys away.  He grabbed me by the arm.  My uncle, who lives at home, doesn’t want to deal with the outbursts.  My mom just causes problems.  Its been a nightmare.

Yesterday was my nieces 11th birthday party.  First one my grandfather wasn’t at because he was sleeping most the day.   Sometimes he becomes disoriented when he wakes up and says things.   Disorientation is becoming more and more frequent.   My heart breaks.

This is the man that taught me to drive.  He was there to help me by my first car.  He never turned me away when I needed help.  Although not an emotional man, I know my grandfather loves me.

I am not allowed to post anything about how I am feeling or dealing with this on facebook.  My mother forbid it.   Shes not the only one dealing with this.  We all are.  I think she likes to think she is.  Its only her and my Uncle, who don’t see eye to eye and fight all the time which makes it worse on everyone.  My relationship with my grandfather is I see him more of a father figure, since my biological one was never around and my step-dad, there was no “dad” bond.  All I had were my grandfathers.  All I have now are my grandfathers.

I hate watching them all age.  I hate seeing him slowly die. Because that’s really what hes doing.  Everything will start to shut down until hes gone forever.  No matter what I do to try to prepare myself, I can’t.  My heart breaks.  And I know, I’m going to be a mess when the time comes.  My grandma is going to need me because she wont be able to count on her children to keep it together or be there for her emotionally.  I will need to do that.

Another thing that is eating at me is his after life.  I need to have a conversation with him and I’m having a hard time with that.  Although I don’t doubt that he doesn’t believe, I know that he hasn’t accepted Christ.  I want to be at peace when he leaves this earth knowing I’ll see him again one day.