there’s no emoticon to express these feelings

ugh i am so fucking pissed right now. no time for background — i like ty, he is friends with ppl at work who hate me. so tonight he hung out with them… and not me. but he wants me to hang out with him and one of them tomorrow.. and then gets his back up when i say no!  fuck.. he’s pretending to be so innocent but i just can’t help but feel that there’s something going on behind the scenes here. he says that he hasn’t heard anything bad about me behind my back, but i know that for sue, just being around him is a blow to me. and even tho i don’t even LIKE ty that much, the fear of rejection and being an outcast really makes me putty in his hands. i hate myself for how much i’ve let this affect me..  like i’m sitting here in tears. i know i don’t really care about him… but i hate being the one that’s on the outs, and in this whole situation i look like a wet blanket, a bully and a bitch. the more i try to defend myself, the more i look like an idiot. but the bottom line is that i can’t seem to let go. i’m proud of myself for standing up for myself… but i shouldn’t even be in this situation. i’m dumb 🙁