new beginnings..

wow how time flies, there’s so much to catch up on. within the past two weeks i’ve moved into a new apartment with a room-mate, acquired a boyfriend, a pet and somewhat of a social life.

i decided to move out of my other apartment  for several reasons, the main one being that i could no longer afford to live there as well as save money and pay down my student loan. i also started to miss having company, believe it or not. although i truly value my alone time, i have to admit that i was becoming a bit of a hermit. even though living with a roommate has definitely presented challenges and pushed me out of my comfort zone, i know that in the long run it’s better for me and my health to live with someone who will take care of me (even if they don’t know it). i am such and independant person but there are times when i feel like i totally lack control of myself and that scares me. i hate to be morbid and i know this is too much for some ppl, but i honestly feel that if i were to live by myself for even one more year, i would probably kill myself. god, i’m horrible. josh (new roomie) and i were talking about teen and youth suicide and he was saying how he just didn’t understand what could be so bad about a young person’s life that they would want to die. i told him that it’s not necessarily what’s happening in their life, but how they handle it. if you lack coping mechanisms, even the most normal situations could be enough to drive someone over the edge. although i’m still feeling really blah, i know that there’s some sort of spark in me that wants to live or else i would have just stayed at my other apartment and faded away.

and on that depressing note i think i’ll head to bed and continue tomorrow … part 2 – the roomie and the boyfriend.