i’ve got the magic in me..

so i suck — my hopes of doing a letter a day to encourage me to write more often has failed.. epically 😛 i’m not gonna scrap it, i’ll just put it on hold for another time. i do think it’s a great idea, tho.

soooo what’s new with me… a lot has happened since i’ve written in here last, but mostly it’s just been day to day mundane life. i guess one of the things that stand out in my mind was the big bar trip that we were all looking forward to a few weeks ago, and the aftermath 😉 the boys wanted to have a guys night, so the girls decided to hang out and then later in the evening, we would all meet up dt and go out. after work bird and i went over to cor’s house to get ready. len and al were going to come a bit later and we’d all go from there. cor was feeling really sick and was debating whether or not to go out at all but finally she decided she’d go for a little bit and take a cab home early. robin and al weren’t drinking so they drove dt and we met the boys and went to opus. i’m not sure what was with me that night — i know that i had eaten throughout the day and i only drank half a bottle of wine — HALF!! i’ve drank a whole bottle of wine before, and been more coherent and stable. anyways, we get to the bar and we’re all having a blasty, taking pics and dancing. i think cor left around 12:30 and that’s when things get really hazy for me. 

here’s what i remember:

-starting a tab, buying rounds of shots and even buying a few drinks for strangers

– holding len’s camera while she went to the washroom and deciding to take as many pics with different guys as i possibly could. i’d see a guy, be like "are you single?" if yes, makeout and take a pic, if no just take a pic. omg. i saw thos pics a few days later … what the fuck was i thinking!!!

-introducing myself to a guy that i recognized as a customer from my old store, buying him (us) drinks and having a good chat… also taking many pics of us, but none making out. whew.

– i kind of remember falling on the dance floor, prompting me to go to the bathroom. in the bathroom i fell down beside the sink and couldn’t get up. i just couldn’t, it’s like my legs weren’t connected to my body or something. i remember these really nice girls talking to me and telling me that they all worked in a bar in toronto and that they would take care of me. they asked me who i was with and who i trusted. i said that all my friends had left (well just the girls i guess) and that i was here with 2 guys (heart and chris) and that i trusted chris. they walked me out to chris and we proceeded to walk towards the entrance and down the stairs. the last thing i can picture is the hottie that i chatted with looking at me like omg i can’t believe you’re so trashed and steve, my friend, looking at me in much the same way, except more disgusted. wow.

-being in my bathroom crying my eyes out with my head in the toilet. talking about how i wished i had cleaned my toilet better, and puking/gagging repeatedly. chris giving me water and holding my hair as i threw up. chris putting me to bed.

the next day i had to go to work and it was fucking brutal. worst. hangover. ever. i sat in the back office for about 3 hours just drinking water and throwing it up.. over and over again. chris stopped by for a bit and gave me some gravol (what a sweetheart) and several ppl came in/talked to me during the day and told me what had happened the night before.

here’s what i don’t remember, but what others do!

– paying my tab, getting my id and visa back from the bartender — no one knows when this happened, which prompted me to talk to my friend who works there and make sure i had actually paid. i did .. $102 which isn’t bad at all .. but i know that since i had checked my total earlier in the evening and was already up to about 100, i didn’t tip the bartender. ouch. i was kind of hoping that whoever gave me my cards back wiped my tab clean because they saw that they had overserved me and were afraid of the repercussions… but no such luck 😛 haha

– dirty dancing with many men – much to heart’s dismay. heart trying to pull me away from any guy i danced with and shooting me dirty looks

– me telling bird to watch closely as i was going to teach her how to make out by doing it with some random on the dance floor. appparently i never actually got that far.

– dirty dancing with chris and sitting on the couch with him, holding hands.

– telling steve that i was scared (of heart) and that we should just get outta there. begging him to leave with me because i really wanted to get away from heart.

– puking on the dance floor before i even made it to the washroom

– once home, confessing to chris that i secretly liked him……. WTF!??!?!??!!??!?!

– also confessing many personal thoughts and feelings about my friends and family, and telling him about the time i went to the hospital in an ambulance (but not the underlying reasons behind that, thank god)

-telling chris that i thought heart may have put something in my drink because i’d never felt like that before. then next day, steve also told me that he suspected someone put something in my drink. admittedly it’s my own fault, i was being sooooo careless. so all i can say to that is that i’m very thankful for chris because it could have gone a completely different way.

so yah, i’m sure i was a hot mess and i’m so embarassed that my friends and probs a bunch of judging strangers saw me like that. anyways, chris came to talk to me after work and drove me home. at this point i didn’t know about dancing with him, holding his hand, confessing etc. he says "so where do we stand?" i say "you saw me at one of the lowest, grossest points and still took care of me…." he said "yah, but how do you feel about me?" i said "i …. like… you….?" i didn’t know what to say because for me this was coming right out of left field. he then told me everything i said and god i was sooo uncomfortable. he then asked me if i wanted to go out some time and i said yes.. i was just really caught off guard!!! he asked what i was doing that night, but i told him that i was so wiped out and wanted to go home to bed, which was true. then i went home and freaked out!!