Come Back to Me

I always thought I’d fall for the tall dark and handsome type.  Who knew I would fall, dangerously fall, for someone so much smaller.  As for the darkness, I can easily attest.  The temptation underlying implying a mystery not known to many.  The thrill, the edge provided after ever clandestine encounter attesting for the darker, racier, bad boy type I’ve always found to be my weakness. Tattooed? Pierced? I am putty in your capable hands.  But this, this was different.  It began so long ago, a forbidden relationship.  Romeo and Juliet.  Smack in the middle of a suburban high school.   We met in the bathroom, occasionally at first.  But with every intoxicating encounter I needed you more.  Soon I would sneak off daily to meet you, to be with you.  Hiding the signs of our affair from my friends, from the teachers, and attempting a nonchalance that no doubt failed to fool anyone.  I spoke of you to no one but my closest friends.  You were mine, you belonged to me, you were my secret. 

I blushed and tremored from head to foot with every thought of you.  My need growing so palpable and so physical that my hands would shake.  That was our sign.  We would sneak out the door, back to the bathroom.  Another clandestine encounter.  Physical need meeting in the most primal of manners. Even now, all these years later, my blood starts thudding in my ears thinking of you and me.

There were a few times we were almost discovered, a few careless mistakes and all was very nearly revealed.  The fear that filled me in that time, I was terrified of losing you.  Terrified you would leave me alone, broken, and wanting.  I would, on  occasion swear that I was done, and try to leave you.  I always came crawling back.  Hands and knees battered and bruised, body desperate, mind wild with the thoughts of you.  Every time you took me back into your embrace.  Calmed my fears. 

High school ended and together we embarked on a new adventure.  A college education.  Still with our forbidden love.  Still with secret midnight meetings.  We went through so much together. 

A time came though, that I thought  I had outgrown you.  Seven months ago, actually.  I told you I was done, I had grown up and you were still childlike.  You sat there and you took it, complacently accepting my accusations of inadequacy.  Nothing did you say in return, but you left your memories.  Every day I see them, I think of you, I long for you.  Everyday  I regret.  I fight the inconstancy which I would seem to exhibit by begging your return.  Each memory, each reminder, whiter than white.  My blood thumps, my hands shake.  Still you sit, complacent, silent.  Seemingly indifferent to my choice, indifferent to the words and decrees.  But still you whisper, come back to me… come back to me.  

How long can I ignore your voice? How long can I pretend I don’t see you sitting there.  Still small, still dark, still unbelievably beautiful.  A clandestine relationship begun so long ago, and seven months disrupted.  My body feels the need, the want, the desire.  And still you whisper, come back to me.