Moving out

I have been thinking about moving out of my house for some time now, and I finally have the perfect opportunity to do it. Ashley has been looking for a roommate for some time now and I think I am going to take her up on her offer. Her house is huge and the price is right. It seems a little bit scary to even think about being out on my own, but I know that I can handle it. I need to be away from parental control. It will be a good experience for me. I’ll have more freedom. Yea finally after 20 years I’ll be able to have complete control over my own life. I can’t wait.

I saw Ryan today and for the first time in a while we actually got along. We went to lunch together and had a good time. We sat in King’s for 3 hours talking. It was so great to spend some time with him. I felt as if nothing had changed between us, like he was still my best friend. In a way it kinda was like old times, cause he can still read me. All he has to do is look at me and he knows what I’m feeling. We talked about everything that is going on in our lives. He is doing so well. He is a great father and he showed me recent pictures of Bobby and I couldn’t believe how big he has gotten. I didn’t realize how much I miss both Ryan and Bobby. I spent alot of time with them in my lif, but you never really realize what you have until it’s gone.

Sitting with Ryan at King’s made me realize how much I still love him. I never stopped loving him, and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t even know why I stopped seeing him. Why did I ever tell him I didn’t want him to be a part of my life? I do and I know I do. There have been several guys in my life since Ryan, but none of them make me feel the way he does. Sure sex with Tom is great, but he doesn’t make me feel the way Ryan does. What if Ryan is my soul mate and I screwed everything up? He knows me so well. I know he still loves me. I could tell by the way he looked at me and the way he “accidentally” kept touching me. I know we both still love each other, so why can’t I get over my fear’s and go back to him?