I keep screwing up big time

I don’t know what my problem is, but I keep messing up every relationship I have with everyone. I have been in such a bad mood, and I keep telling people off. Dave was mad at me and wouldn’t speak to me for almost a week, because of what I said in the padded cell. I was just kidding around with him, cause he started it. Jess is mad at me because of the Disturbed concert mishap. Dean was mad at me cause I was a complete and total b*tch to him at work the other day. I have just felt so angry at everyone. I am so frustrated and I don’t know why.

I think I might have even scared Tom off the other day. He came in work last Friday to get a cup of coffee for the chief. I was talking to Rick about hockey and he pissed me off. He should know better not to start with me when it comes to hockey, cause I will flip out and go postal on anyone who messes with my Pens. Tom was standing there watching as I freaked out on Rick and threatened to take him outside and whip his ass. I have no control over my emotions. I think maybe I need to go to anger management or something.

Saturday night I was talking to Pip and Sgt. Secrete about how I needed to find someone to go to the hockey game with me on Wednesday. Pip told me to ask Tom. I knew that Tom was off work Wed nite, but I could not bring myself to ask him. Pip said to call the station and leave him a message on his voicemail. I couldn’t so Pip called him and said that I was wondering if he would go with me to the hockey game and to give me a call. Then Sarge gets on the phone and says,”Tom this is Sgt. Secrete and this is a direct order, you will take Jenn to the hockey game on Wednesday.” and then he hung up the phone. I was so mad that he said that to Tom. Apparantly Tom had other plans already for Wednesday so he couldn’t go.

I took that as a sign that he’s not interested in me. So what else is new? Is there any guy out there that wants to go out with me? Maybe if I wasn’t such a freaking pyschopath. I try to be nice to everyone, but I am so frustrated with work and my mother, that it is hard. The tiniest little things set me off. I’m like a bomb waiting to explode. I know I am on the path to self destruction. I need someone or something to help me get back on track. I need to turn my life around, but it is so hard.

Maybe I should start thinking seriously about moving back home. Sue has always kept me in check. But I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult and I should take responsibility for my own actions. I just need a little guidance. Oh what to do what to do?

see ya bye

Bubbles