Day 4 and 5 of 30
Day 1 – Write some basic things about yourself.
Day 2 – 10 likes & dislikes
Day 3 – The meaning behind your Open Diary name
Day 4 – Favourite tv show(s)?
Day 5 – Three places you want to visit and why.
Day 6 – What band/musician is most important to you?
Day 7 – Do you read? Whats your favorite book?
Day 8 – Pet Peeves.
Day 9 – If you could live off of one food and beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?
Day 10 – Post a picture of your desktop.
Day 11 – What is your favorite quote?
Day 12 – Describe a bad habit from your childhood that you still have.
Day 13 – Three confessions of your choice.
Day 14 – Things you want to say to an ex.
Day 15 – Share a moment that stands out as one of the happiest in your life to date.
Day 16 – If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
Day 17 – Describe your current relationship, or if you are single, talk about it (:
Day 18 – Your day, in great detail.
Day 19 – The best thing to happen to you this week.
Day 20 – Your definition of love.
Day 21 – If you had one million dollars?
Day 22 – A picture of what you wore today.
Day 23 – A letter to someone. Anyone.
Day 24 – Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
Day 25 – Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day 26 – How you hope your future will be.
Day 27 – A picture of your handwriting.
Day 28 – Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for?
Day 29 – Picture of yourself.
Day 30 – 5 quirky things about yourself, 5 things you’re afraid of, and 5 indulgences you partake in regularly.
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Day 4-Favorite TV Show
Game of Thrones, Once Upon A Time, Vampire Diaries, How I Met Your Mother, and True Blood
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Day 5-Three places you want to visit and why
Ireland-Have always been fascinated by all things Irish…and because of Ryan
Paris-City of love
Canada-Visit my Canadian friends
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Last night I was too frigging tired and half drunk to write so I skipped a day. But I’m going to make up for it today with a really long entry because my head is spinning and I feel like I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
I suppose the beginning would be the best place to start.
Yesterday I met Kim and the kids at the theatre and we watched Hotel Transylvania(good movie btw). I came home and took a lil nap because I was super tired and had a dream about Matt. I couldn’t remember what it was about. All I know is that I woke up with the feeling that something was going to happen and as I was in that half asleep/half awake state I realized that my phone was ringing and it was Matt. I dunno why I answered. We’ve barely talked over the past 6 months and last time it was pretty brutal, but I guess in my daze and cause of the dream I did. He called to tell me that his book is finally being published. I’m happy for him. He is a talented writer and I feel that the whole world should be able to read his works. But OMG it just pissed me the fuck off. Angry Jenn made an appearance and Matt and I had a huge fight. He just drives me so crazy. He doesn’t want a future with me…We had an ugly breakup and he expects us to still be friends. No…No…No…Ugh! I was just so pissed.
So I needed girl time. I had previously made plans to meet up with Nic at 9pm. Jae and I had been wanting to go out so I made early plans to meet up with her at Hard Times. I texted Nic and told him what was up and asked him to join us to which he said okay. It was about 7:30 when me and Jae got there. We got a pool table, a few drinks and shortly thereafter Nic showed up. We were having a great time. Nic was pretending he sucked at pool and kept letting me and Jae win. And of course he did his usual pick on me and bug the crap out of me routine that is just so cute. He was also our bodyguard from the creepos who kept trying to oogle us. Then all of a sudden at like 8:55 he grabs his jacket and says goodbye and I was like wtf so confused. He said I’m going to Dennys its almost 9 you know like we had made plans to do. And then he left and I felt like the worst person ever. I mean I know that Dennys is his weekend hang and he meets up with friends there but I didn’t think there was a specific timeframe. I figured we could shoot some pool for a bit then go to Dennys whenever. It basically turned out to be a total miscommunication on both our parts. We talked about it and it’s all good. After he left I spent about another 45 minutes with Jae then went to Dennys to hang with Nic. I spent several hours there with him just talking. Made it home around 130 and was like UGH!!! Why did I stay out so late? 6am wake up time for work is gonna suck. And I couldn’t fall asleep either. It was like 4am and I was miserable today at work but suffered through it.
Came home threw some clothes in the wash and then got the phone call…Erik was in a car accident. His mom called to tell me which surprised the hell out of me since his parents hate me. I pray that he will be okay. From what she said he is really out of it and pretty broken up but should make a full recovery. Just wish that I could escape work and go see him, but with 2 managers on vacation there is no way that I can take a day off because Jae would have to work a double and this week is already going to be rough without that. I’m hoping that I can talk to him tomorrow.
After I got the phone call I was super upset and trying not to panic so I went for a drive. Nic texted me to come hang out with him and some friends so I said I would let him know when I got back into the area. So he texted me this craigslist ad about Jae. Omg someone posted a missed connections ad about her. So I hurried over to Dennys. We debated about whether to tell her or not…it lasted all of 2 seconds before we decided yes. We went over to the theatre and he made me tell her. He just wanted to see her reaction. She totally flipped out and is all freaked about by some craigslist creeper. Nic emailed the guy. I am so waiting to see what the repsonse is.
Jae went back to work and Nic and I stood in the parking lot for an hour talking and play fighting. He was trying to teach me how to defend myself and to incapacitate my attacker but I failed miserably. And for some reason we kept ending up with me unable to move and his face like 2 inches in front of mine. And I just kept thinking to myself that OMG we are not in high school make a move bud…but no that didn’t happen.
So of course after he left I then proceeded to have an hour and a half long conversation with Andy about why GUYS make things so complicated…and I proceeded to explain to him everything…and when I say everything I mean everything. And then things just got out of hang and we ended up talking about Matt and Ryan…and thats when I teared up. God I haven’t though about Ryan in so long. It’s been almost 10 years. I can hardly believe that.
And of course my mind has been on Ryan the rest of the night. We got on the conversation of Ryan because Andy told me to make the first move and I was like I haven’t done that since I was 15. And he asked me if that was with "the One" and I was like yes. He asked me if I regretted doing it. And it was a long long conversation because I don’t know…and I cried. I still miss him. And I hate that Matt reminds me of him so much. And so I did the dumb thing and overanalyzed everything and now I’m on an emotional roller coaster and I just need to slow the fuck down. And get sleep…sleep I miss you so much. We used to have a good relationship sleep and I…I don’t know what happened. But I’m going to get off here and attempt to catch 4 hours before I have to get up for work.
"All alone
On the edge of sleep
My old familiar friend
Comes and lies down next to me"
"Chemical attraction,ignited by apperance,taste,smell,touch(all physical aspects)can only burn for so long.The mind,a strong personality,sense of humor,thought patterns,quirks,those things go beyond a simple burning attraction and smolder in the soul and burn there forever."