Breaking up????

I’m seriously thinking about breaking up with John. He is really started to irritate me with all this talk of Melissa, ex girlfriend who died. He read me this poem that he wrote about them. It wouldn’t have bothered me except for the fact that he wrote it last week and she’s been gone for 3 years. I feel like I am backburner to someone who is not even in this world. We were lying in bed the other day and he just started talking about her and how much he loved her and blah blah blah. It is really annoying me. I understand that he loved her and everything. Heck I still love Ryan, but my point is that I don’t go talking to him about how much I love him. It makes me feel like shit when he does that. What am I chopped liver?????

Besides the whole Melissa thing he is really pissing me off about Jess. He thinks that he knows her better than I do, and he tried to tell me all these things about her that I know aren’t true. Like he’ll make a comment about how he saw Jess and Brian like 2 years ago and he was going to fight Brian cause of all the things he did to Jess. The funny thing is Jess has only been seeing Brian for almost a year. He acts like he is Mr.Authority on Jess. He’s not. Jess didn’t even remember him at first when I told her that I was dating him. Then there is the fact that he wants to be friends with Jess again. He dated Jess’s sister like 5 years ago and he thinks that Jess wants to be friends with him because of it. I’m sorry but I don’t want them to be friends only for the simple fact that it will create alot of problems.

Third he never comes over to spend time with me anymore. He comes over on Mondays and Thursdays to watch wrestling with Rich. He’ll come over around 5 and take a nap with me before I have to go to work, but he’ll get up at 8 to go watch wrestling. We never go out anywhere. I am sick and tired of staying home.

I do like him but I thought that we had progressed past all this. I guess not. The more I think about the whole thing, the more I realize that I don’t like him as much as I thought. Here’s my reasoning, when I am with him, I still think about Shane. When I was with Tom I never thought about being with Shane. Same thing when I was with Brian. The thought of being with Shane never crossed my mind. The past few nights I have found myself looking at every car that drove by the store hoping that it would be Shane in the cruiser and that he would stop in. I did see him, but he never stopped in the tease.

Anyways I’m going to talk to John later on today and see if maybe possibly we can work things out, but I don’t see it happening.