Always the Strong One

Why do I always have to be the strong one?  I had to put on a brave face this morning for Shari and tell her that Momma would be alright.  Her surgery was today and Shari burst into tears as soon as Mom ans Zach pulled out of the driveway.  I had to tell her that everything would be okay and that Mom would be fine when I didn’t really believe it and all I wanted to do was cry myself.  But I couldn’t.  I have to be the one to hold the rest of us together and I hate it.  I want to be able to cry and show my emotions too.  Everyone keeps saying that she will be fine, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking the worst.  The doctors said that most likely the tumor is not cancerous, but cancer is very prevalent in my family.  I don’t know how they can say that it  is or is not cancer until they run the biopsy.  They should just say that they don’t know until the tests come back.  I know I am not a doctor, but a tumor in the lymph nodes doesn’t sound too good to me.  I just wish I knew more right now.  No one is calling me and letting me know what is going on.  All I know is that she is out of surgery and it went okay.  I just want some answers so I can get some peace of mind and maybe for a little while I won’t have to be the strong one.