12/3/07

Saturday night I went out with Silky, General and Daniel. We went to Bennigan’s to celebrate Daniel’s 21st birthday and have a few drinks. I had one drink but I had a blast. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Silky is so crazy and out there, definitely the life of the party. We managed to get Daniel drunk. He has never drank before and we corrupted him. He is a Jehovah’s Witness. Yeah he definitely shouldn’t hang out with me, Silky and General. By the end of the night that boy was asking to see my boobs and coping a feel. On the way back to drop me off at my car he reached in the back seat and tried to feel my boobs. I grabbed his hand and showed him where they were. Silky said, “damn I want to feel,” and proceeded to take both hands off the wheel and reach back and try to grab my boobs. He missed and placed his hands way too low…Daniel grabbed Silky’s hand and said, “They are right here,” and placed his hand on my boob. Silky was shocked because he couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t show them but I could let them touch it. I said it was because I’m used to people groping me all day in the mall and it doesn’t bother me, besides since I can’t have sex at least I can get a cheap thrill. He told me I could have sex whenever I wanted to because I am a girl. I told him he was right but there was no one that I wanted to have sex with, because I am trying to not be a whore. He said he wanted to be a man whore and then changed his mind and said he’d stick to masturbating because he knew how he liked it. I told him that while I agree with that theory it’s not the same and sex with someone else is so much better and sometimes I just need to have a good fuck. He said, “I’m not gonna lie to you that statement right there was hot. And not cause of the fucking part, but because you don’t hear girls say that very often and you better quit talking about sex because I have a hard on.” My response, “yeah I have that effect of people quite often.” Then he dropped me off at my car and I know that I could have went home with him, but I didn’t. I like him too much to ruin it by hooking up with him. Okay and I know that after all the conversations we had all night he probably just thinks I’m a whore, because almost all of the conversations we had were about sex, but hello I was the only chick drinking with 3 guys so what do you expect. General just eggs me on too. He is very blunt and just comes out and say whatever pops into his head. He offered me $300 to devirginize Daniel to which I declined even though he knows I need $300 for a plane ticket to go see Sean. Then he asked me that if we were dating would I let him have sex with other women and I said yes. He said, “damn then why aren’t we dating? You can offer me the emotional support of a girlfriend and I can fuck someone else.” My reply, “I can’t give you emotional support when I’m not 100% emotionally stable myself and besides I’d only be using you for your money and you wouldn’t be getting sex from me.” He said, “oh no we’d be having sex too.” I said, “In your dreams buddy.” But to be honest if he wasn’t Silky’s best friend then I probably would. He is sexy as hell. Damn I am a whore. 
 
But seriously it wasn’t all about sex. The music was cranking and Silky and I were trying to show each other up to see who knew the name and artist of each song first. As much as he knows music he can’t beat me. He has the same eclectic taste in music that I have, but he just can’t compete. Ryan and I used to have the same contests and I hated losing.  Music is the one thing that I know. Silky he gets all into the music. He was jamming and dancing and playing air guitar…and just being his crazy goofy self. Watching him like that just makes me want him more. And I also found out some interesting information. He actually reads all my bulletin posts and blog entries on myspace. I thought that he might, but I wasn’t 100% sure. I post a lot of things directed at him, but without actually saying that they are for him. But he knows. And now he understands a lot. He actually stood up for me to General last night. General and I were having a conversation about love, marriage and children…and about my goals in life in general…and he was really pissing me off because he was trying to tell me that I had no direction in life…very similar to the conversation that Michael and I had at IHOP that pissed me off. General said he couldn’t understand why I gave up on my ambitions and why I didn’t care about things anymore. Silky told him to shut up because he didn’t understand and to let it go and not upset me. I said, “yeah and what would you know about it?” He said, “I know.”
I said, “How?” He said, “Myspace.” I said, “You actually read my myspace?” He said, “yes, everything.” I said, “damn, I didn’t know you actually read everything. So you know?” He said, “yes.” I said, “Fuck.” Then General said, “Get this girl another drink.” Silky said, “she can’t have anymore. I’m trying to get her to quit trying to chase her problems away with alcohol before she becomes an alcoholic.” To which General replied, “There is nothing wrong with being an alcoholic, I’m getting another drink.” 
 
Silky and I actually had a conversation about my drinking the other day. I was at work on break. I was standing outside by the dumpsters smoking a cigarette and Silky was taking trash out and we started talking. I was telling him about going to Cancun Cantina last Wednesday and getting drunk. Then I told him about Sean and everything that happened and he told me that I can’t use alcohol to escape my problems. I really don’t. If he only knew how I was when I was in Pittsburgh. I drank constantly. I went to work drunk, hell I went to work still drinking and would go across the street to the bar and get a drink in the middle of my shift. In the past 4 years that I have lived here I can honestly say that I have been drunk 5 times and 2 of those times was in the past month or so. Granted since I have moved out of my parents house I have gone out more in the past two months then in the 4 years I lived with them, but that’s because my roommates go out a lot and have a good time. And we can go out and I can have one or two and be fine. So I don’t see why he thinks that I have a drinking problem. But I do understand his concern. As much drama as I have in my life lately I am surprised that I am not an alcoholic, but I don’t wanna go back there again. I can control myself. I could have got drunk Saturday night but I had one beer and then drank soda. I did have to drive home so that was a factor, but if I wanted to get drunk I know that Silky would have drove me home and then I coulda just walked up to the mall and got my car the next day. But I didn’t feel like drinking. I only had one to celebrate Daniel’s birthday. And yes I did tell Silky that I drink in social settings to be more outgoing, because I am shy when I am out in a bar or club, but I don’t need alcohol to loosen me up when I am around General and Silky. General just has a way of making me feel very comfortable and outgoing. 
 
Speaking of which, I told Mary today that I was glad that General came out with us. I probably would have been very quiet if he wasn’t there. I told her I could only imagine what would happen if Silky and I ever actually had a real date where we were alone. I most likely would be very quiet. When I really like someone I am very shy and quiet and while I can joke around and talk to Silky at work or online or in text messages, it’s a totally different situation if we were actually in a social setting. I don’t know why I am that way but I just am. 
 
Anyways ugh…I am just kinda rambling here and this entry isn’t turning out the way I wanted it to, so I think it is time for me to get some sleep.