Sasha- the aftermath

I miss him so much!!! I miss him so much it hurts but not like hell maybe my capacity for pain is bigger and I’m able to tolerate it more. I”m able to sit with it and hear its different sides and different requests. Being without him- without his support – I feel a gap in my soul- a gap in my body- a giant hole in my heart and chest. I wish I could call him to complain about mom’s shitty dinner and how I expected the guests to come back inside for dessert and they never did and how much this feelings sucks. This pain sucks!! It sucks so much! Was I in denial about how much it hurts- saying that I can handle it- boy oh boy- it made me have compassion for myself for when I was looking red flags- because THIS is the pain that is felt after ending a short fling- can you imagine how much more pain it is after having sex??! How much more pain it is to sit with when there is no one else around- when there is nothing else to do!! FUCK! Now I get it- I get how vulnerable this feeling is- this feeling will have you forgiving the devil himself! This feeling will have you sell your sell muchless go back to a toxic ex. This is the feeling that I”ve been avoiding- this is the feeling that made me unblock him after  2 days- that’s why this time I didn’t block- I let him go- In Peace. I know my prince is out there- he may not be handsome or charming but he will know better than to ever let me go that’s for damn sure. I want a man that’s ready for a relationship- that knows how to listen without blaming or gaslighting- that is willing to learn how to communicate- I don’t care if he has money at this point- just love me and respect me and in return you will love and respect yourself- what more could a woman possibly ask for?