Max- the aftermath

I don’t even miss him. The 1st time I broke up with him was 2 weeks ago and it felt like a limbo of being stuck with my feelings. I knew I wanted out. I knew I didn’t love him or have feelings for him. And I knew that I missed him intensely. I don’t know why! Maybe a breach of attachment that I felt in my gut. But the problem with our attachment was that it was fake. He NEVER put effort into developing our relationship. I felt like the 10 of Wands card, carrying the whole relationship on my back. Feeling like a worn-out donkey most of time. And on top of that not being supported in any way from him and when I tried to voice that I need more support from him, his reply was, “I don’t see why I have to deal with your feelings and I don’t wanna deal with your feelings.” Well that summarizes his empathy level. I don’t regret that it’s over. I feel relieved. Part of me wants to see how long it will be til he realizes that the dating world sucks and I”m the best that he’ll ever get that he comes back running to me. A man with no money, no healthy emotional capacity and a man who admitted that he hates women- how lucky will he get in the dating market? Ladies and gentlemen place your bets because I”ve already placed mine. I give it til March. But if he doesn’t tell me Happy Birthday then I will block him. And that will be the end of it. I wanna see if he remembers and if he doesn’t, will he have the nerve to hit me up after knowing damn well that he missed it. It doesn’t matter. I got out of a relationship with an abusive man-  that matters more. Abusive in any way that robbed my soul. I never loved him. I was infatuated for 2.5 months. At the 3 month mark, I was emotionally done. But following my heart to let go, was the hardest part. Isn’t it funny, how we follow our hearts into relationships but we hesitate doing the same when it’s time to leave? What are we holding on to? Broken dreams and the what could of beens.

RED FLAGS FOR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS.      🚩🚩🚩.  :

1. He’d rather talk about a topic you have zero interest in than actually talk about something meaningful
2. His life is boring and monotonal because he has ZERO self motivation
3. Smokers- the only one I”ve dated and I’m done- smoke-filled clothes and kissing a cigarette are not fun!
4. If he rants that women are ungrateful beings or how much resentment he has towards his mom- chances are he will think there’s something wrong with you just because you’re a woman and no he won’t see you for you are clearly because he already has an agenda mapped out in his head.
5. You’re carrying the relationship by yourself on your whole back. The amount of basic minimal effort that he puts in, is laughable. And you know that if you stop giving all parts of you into this whole dynamic- then it will fall apart and it will fall apart so fast!!
6. His ability to deal with conflict is either to blame you for everything or to simply disengage. There is a time to cool off- but if his cool off time is a way to regain control then you know you’re not dealing with a team player here.

I don’t regret any of it. It taught me a lot and it gave me great sex. But it’s not good enough for a repeat round.