IT’S FINALLY OVER!!!

Breaking up with a narcissist is harder than quitting crack. There should be awards for that. Because being drowned into the toxic bullshit is never what we imagined as a good relationship. But we don’t fall for good- we fall for familiar. And narcissists are very familiar to me. My whole family is full of them! But I’m not here to blame my lover choices on mom. No- that’s not why I’m writing this. Even though that also rings true. I’m writing this to remind myself that yes IT IS POSSIBLE TO BREAK UP WITH A NARCISSIST AND COME OUT HAPPY WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE. No longer do I feel the black void inside that makes it SO PAINFUL to be without him. It gets triggered when I send a text and he doesn’t respond for a while. Yes, then I feel it eating from inside me!! I feel the stomach pains, the chest pulsations, the OMG when will this end feeling. It’s the worst feeling in the world. All abandonment wounds come rushing in at the same time!! And it feels like there’s no light inside the tunnel. Hell, it feels like I’m stuck in this tunnel forever asking for directions for my basic needs! That’s the thing about dating narcissists, they make you shut up when it comes to asking for BASIC human decency. They have none and they want you to forget about yours. It’s only fair that way. To them, that is.

LESSONS LEARNED:

1. Don’t over-stay in shitty relationship dynamics!!! IF YOU DON’T WANT THIS FOREVER THEN FUCKIN DIP!!! Tell that boy Adios and keep it moving!! It’s not worth the heartbreak. THE DISCARD PHASE IS NOT WORTH ANY HEARTBREAK!!! Not to mention that I had to put up with to even stay in this relationship for this long. It takes a lot of idealizing and fantasy work!! Because no one in REALITY will stay with these people!! It won’t be possible! It’s way too shitty- but by the time you’re deep in it- you’ve learned to accept that this shit is the best it will ever get and your expectations GO WAY LOWER.
2. There should be emotional growth- the willingness for emotional intimacy in a relationship- and with a narcissist that’s not possible! They have none! It was never given to them. Their mother never unconditionally loved them. How can they give you what they don’t own??
3. Don’t date a fuckin child!!! I”m nobody’s mom!! Don’t date the guy who puts you in Mom role in ANY shape or form!!  This is a relationship. Not a care-taker-ship.
4. Don’t be with someone who you have to play small for. If you have to diminish your light, your wants and needs because it will rock the boat and end the relationship. Let that boat rock! You’re not responsible for other people’s reactions. Your responsibility is only how you handle your own.  You’re not here to emotionally babysit your man! Being with a man who’s not emotionally mature and who you have to censor your authenticity for – does not make a good life partner.