It would of never worked

His ego is too big. He’s a great white shark that starves himself to death. He runs away from problems, he sabotages anything and everything because he doesn’t think he deserves it. He thinks he only deserves pain and that’s why he drinks too much and never admits that he has a drinking problem. Shall I go on? Or this list long enough. But if that’s not enough, he’s the first one to talk shit about his close ones and play victim. Anything for the victim role!! Oh and if that’s still not enough, he will not protect his woman, in fact, he will belittle her even more and be more concerned about getting beat up by guys who see his woman crying than actually attending to his crying woman. And yes the crying woman would be me. He did things that made him seem cold and then he did things that made him seem warm. Inconsistency is the biggest weapon a man can use; it will always confuse the bait. It will always keep people close to you. And it will always make people question themselves, not you but them damn selves. The biggest reason why it would never work is because he was too comfortable with betrayal. It was natural to him. In fact so natural that he never had a problem with it. He NEVER had remorse for talking shit about me or leaving me out in the cold. If anything, he got pissed, yes that’s right pissed, when being called out on it. I’m not his mother nor did I ever sign up for that role but he called me “Mother,” yes that was his pet-nickname for me. How fucked up does a man have to be to call his future wife “Mother” and he didn’t call his mother anything, he called her by her name. IS THAT NOT THE BIGGEST RED FLAG OF ALL?????!!!! I almost married a man who not only has extreme mommy issues but he also thinks it’s his wife’s job to take care of his motherly needs. Let me know of an exception where a situation like that doesn’t end up down in flames. He showed up at my house at 3am without warning. Could gather a crowd around him to play victim mode. I have to be out of my mind to not be thanking the universe right now for getting him off my dick! But I thought he was the one. You see I never loved him, I settled. I wanted to break up 2 weeks after I met him but my loneliness kept me glued to his attention. I didn’t even like spending time with him, God, he bore me to tears! But it all turned when he started acting crazy. Maybe he knew I would leave and he knew that confusion makes people stay. People don’t leave in the middle of conflict, there has to be a downslope for an escape. And if things are always on high-alert then that’s the strategy for keeping someone. People like solving problems and mysteries, you can’t solve a mystery in a middle of a mystery. He knew that tactic way too well. One day I had enough and I told myself  I don’t wanna be with him anymore, I don’t want him. Because being with him meant not being with myself. Being with him meant dealing with his drinking and emotional and verbal abuse. Being with him meant not knowing who I’m, not honoring the part of myself that would never tolerate his shit. Being with him meant shutting down all of my intuition and pretending to be someone I’m not. He never knew me, not the real me, he just saw his ideal, his savior and latched on for dear life. And when I find out the monster that he is, I ran. I wish I could say, I never looked back but I look back every day. I look back every day with anxiety in my body and unable to sleep because of the shit that went on behind closed doors that I allowed. I look back and wonder what it would be like if I had given it a 2nd chance. I’m clinging for false hope that he wasn’t the problem. I’m filled with guilt for dragging it on when I knew he wasn’t the one.  And back then I was filled with guilt for not wanting to leave him because he was depressed. I thought he needed me. Because that’s how good of an actor he is.