When I said I had a dream, you put a gun to it..

I hate that I don’t take the time to sit down and write on here more often. This past weekend  I wasn’t really feeling well. I skipped the gym Monday and Tuesday. I did, however, end up going out on a date Saturday night. We will call him A. A is a little younger than  I am.. but much more successful. It sounds like he has a lovely family.. a great job.. And we both have a lot in common. Our dinner lasted 3 hours.. we then went out and explored the city a little bit. I had a really good time. I forgot what a nice date actually felt like. We laughed and talked the whole time. At one point my hands were freezing! .. His were warm.. He held them between his to warm them up for 5 minutes. It felt awkward but it was nice. It was just different to be touched by someone other than D. After 5 min, I was the one that finally took my hands back. I didn’t want him to think it was weird but idk.. It didn’t feel weird.. it felt right in some way. I ended up getting my good night kiss.. Well a couple of them. He was a true gentleman. He asked me if we could see each other next weekend. I was so happy. Of course! We will see. My only complaint with him so far… He is terrible at texting. TERRIBLE! It is so sporadic and he won’t return my text until later the next day. I know that people are like this.. but I like talking to him.. so when we are talking everything is great.. then he just disappears.. Who knows. We will see what happens…. Which leads me to my next section..

There is this beautiful town about an hour and a half from were I live now that I have been looking at moving to. I told my parents about it.. they don’t seem happy at all. I mean they are but I know in some way that it hurts them. I could hear it in their voices. My dad is sick.. I am going to be an aunt in March… As much as I want to stay here with them… I am so unhappy with this town.. unhappy with my job.. there aren’t many young people here. I got a call yesterday asking me to set up an interview in this town. She even went on to tell me that they are looking at offering a relocation assistance package. Which is the NUMBER ONE thing that I was worried about. I set up my interview.. and I feel terrible. I feel like this is something that I really want.. but I feel scared.. I feel selfish. I don’t want to hurt my family at all. I don’t see them all week anyways.. So why couldn’t I just go there and come home and spend the weekends with my family. It’s not that far of a drive. I feel like I am just wasting away here. One of the other negatives is.. It will put another hour between A and I.. In the grand scheme of things.. 2 hours isn’t bad. I would drive to see him on weekends.. and I am sure he would do the same. Or even half way. I am thinking way ahead tho. And for a second I had thought about even just staying here just because of him. Because of some feeling I got that he and I had potential. But I did that in the past.. and look where it got me. I need to do this for me. If and when he and I get serious we will figure it out. I would not have a problem moving to the town where he lives either. So in a year or so.. that is something we could look at. I can’t stay stagnate for a year or so in hopes that we become something. If we are meant to be it will work. I just feel like this job has given me so many signs. We will see.

I will always miss and love D.. But it time to move on. He isn’t feeling the same way about me or even our friendship. He threw that away as well.

Time to leave him in the past.. As much as it hurts.. it has to happen.

I hope you all are well.