I can’t be bothered..

Lately……

Fuck.. Lately, I have been so withdrawn.

Again.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I hate feeling this way. I skipped the gym today.. Half ass’d an at home workout from the Beach Body on Demand site.. Gave up half way in.. Which made me feel even worse. My eating has been terrible.

Everything has been terrible…

I have no energy… no drive.. no nothing. I barely made it on here to type this out.. But I wanted to apologize to my followers for not being “On it,” with reading and noting their entries lately.

My dad is depressed. I spoke with him the other day on the phone. He was crying saying that he doesn’t even want to wake up in the morning…

Me either dad.. me either….

I never said that to him. I lied and told him that I was fine and that I would eventually be okay (He is worried about my sister and I) But I lied and told him I was fine.

I also cancelled my job interview.. I need to be here for him. Even if I can’t be there for myself. He needs me.. My dreams can wait.

D texted me the other night… just to see if he still had control over me I assume. It was something about this show we used to watch together. I completely ignored his text… and it fucking hurts like hell.

I just wish my heart would stop. I don’t want to feel anymore.