Fuckbois…

Just sitting here watching WWE Raw like the nerd that I am. I had a long 4 day weekend, but honestly it just flew by. I really need to get my medications situated. I did this gene test at my doctors a couple weeks ago and well of course it showed that my body HATES Wellbutrin. Well, okay.. back to the sexual side effects and tiredness. My doctor told me to ween off of it and started me on Pristiq. I feel like all I do now is eat and sleep. I am so hungry all the time and so tired.. no matter how much I sleep. I tried to ween myself down, but I decided to just stop taking it all together. I think it was the Wellbutrin that was making my tongue swell up. Seems like any time I would have something spicy .. even just pepper sometimes would really irritate it and make it swell up. I hope with the fact that I stopped it I just get thru it quicker and my tongue no longer swells.

I also decided to start taking birth control pills… ugh.. my boobs are already swellling. I quickly remembered why I hate taking them.. It is absolutely ridiculous… but on the other hand I can’t seem to stay away from the fuckboi.. So it is much safer this way. I used to never be this way. I would only sleep with people that I was in a relationship with.. but I think this last relationship just really took the whole thought and meaning of love right out of my heart. I could easily fall for this guy.. mainly because he is intelligent and charming … Classic Narcissist.. Seems like they are the only kind of guys that I am attracted to.. but in a way it is different this time. I see it and recognize it.. I am also having fun with it. But I do keep telling myself that I need to walk away from it. But it is fun… and it provides a distraction for me.. As I am still not over my EX.. We will call him G. He will message me every once in awhile and no matter how much I try to fight it.. I always end up messaging him. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss him or love him anymore and that is what hurts the most.. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves nothing from me. Not even my attention.

Anyway… this pre workout stuff I take before I go to the gym really makes me feel like shit.. I want to stop taking it but if I do.. I don’t have the energy to complete my workout…. or even put in a satisfactory effort. It really sucks. And as usual I will struggle to sleep tonight.

I have to get up early to go see my Psychologist.. Why do I do this to myself? I want to sleep in.. I have a real hard time going to work. I am having such a hard time with peoples worth ethic here… and I always find myself busting my ass more than anyone else. It is hard. I don’t even like this town. I want to move away so bad. There is a town about an hour from here. And I would love to move there… but I am scared. And my family really needs me right now… so I am worried that I will look selfish. And that is one thing I have never been….. And I never want to be. I know way too many selfish people. But at the same time.. I am so miserable here.. and I want more out of life. Idk.. I need to do laundry and take some melatonin and try to sleep. I hope you all had a great weekend.  Back to the grind tomorrow!