Days go by..
As I sit here, outside on my patio, (this is a first for me btw) I can feel the wind start to chill. Today was a beautiful day. I was supposed to be off, but I find myself working 50 plus hours a week anymore.. just to live paycheck to paycheck. I really thought that moving out on my own and moving away from my parents was going to be easy.. and that I could stay afloat… Looks like I was wrong. I struggle.. but I can’t help but wonder if it is because of my spending habits. When I first moved up to the mountains I was so bummed out because I didn’t have any friends.. no boyfriend. It was just me and I felt lonely. But it was the loneliness that I needed in order to start healing myself.. and to start resetting my priorities. Well almost 6 months later and I am starting to make friends.. and YES.. I even have a boyfriend. Which I did claim over a month ago that I was going to write an entry about… but the long work weeks and partying with him and my friends on the weekend have left me a little short on time.
However…
I am going to start spending more time on myself. I am putting the drinking and partying off for a little while. I want to experience bigger things… I want to learn to kayak… I want to do more hiking. I have hiked 3 times so far this month… Which is a lot for me… These aren’t NO EASY HIKES either hahaha.
So anyway… My boyfriend. We will refer to him as “A.” He was one of those boys that actually came along when I least expected it… I know.. I know.. I never thought that was really possible because honestly I was always “looking.”
One night one of the girls I work with messaged me as I was walking into my gym and asked me if I wanted to go grab a beer. I thought about it for a sec and quickly turned around and walked right back out haha. I must’ve looked really dumb to the girls behind the desk. Well…. One beer turned into probably 8 that night.. and we ended up at a local place in my town. There was a band playing.. Some other guy came up to the bar and was sitting beside me.. and I was (YES ME) I was hitting on him and everything and quickly lost interest.. My friend and I were dancing around and having a good old time… When he walked in… I don’t know what it was.. but his smile just felt like something I wouldn’t mind seeing the rest of my life. I went up and started to talking to him.. and we hit it off… Even little ole drunk me still go game 😉 hahaha.. I was drunk.. I am not even going to lie.. I remember most of our conversation that night.. I remember telling him that I was taking him home with me.. But was actually wanting a relationship and was asking him if that is what he was looking for as well *facepalm* … Long story short.. He stayed the night with me… and the next morning when he left.. I thought that I would probably never hear from him again…. but he texted me…. and here we are.. We met in Feb. but made it official March 9th.. FB Official on April 1st haha.
He pretty much my twin.. a little raunchier in some aspects.. but I appreciate the fact that we can be ourselves around each other. He has a wonderful smile… soft hair.. and he can play the guitar and sing…
Did I mention that he can sing….. hahaha of course I did.
Everything is going pretty well. He has some issues communicating… but I have to remind myself that not everyone is like me.. So I have to remind myself to cut him some slack. He loves beer.. loves hiking and music…. and he makes me smile.
The feelings I have for him aren’t the same as the ones I had for my ex… but I have to also remind myself that it is early and not to jump the gun.. To let things grow.. and that this is actually what a normal relationship SHOULD be like. I find that I miss him when he isn’t around.
At first.. I felt the anxiety in the relationship build.. I kept feeling like I was doing things wrong or that he didn’t want to talk to me… He made me feel like my ex had made me feel… but once I took some time.. I realized that it was ME making MYSELF feel that way.. and that I needed to let that go. I needed to wipe the slate clean and not punish A for my ex’s mistakes.
So everything is going good.. besides working all the time.
The shots have officially wiped my dad out.. He is so different and it breaks my fucking heart. I keep hoping that these shots are going to save to him.. and keep thinking positive about everything. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
I miss you guys *hugs*
Picture a hippo in a dainty pink tutu and ballerina slippers jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch like Tom Cruise did when he told the WORLD he was in love with Katie Holmes. That’s me doing the happy jumping on and off, dancing around with a sing-song, “You’ve got a boyfriend! You’ve got a boyfriend!” LOL that is so awesome!! Congratulations!
Slow and steady wins the race… just ask the Tortoise and the Hare! Take your time and explore slowly, and talk, talk, talk!!! You can’t ever know someone completely, but you can get pretty close. And you are so awesome to recognize that you can’t punish this guy for past guys’ sins. I totally agree with that. I know you’re smart to keep your eyes open for flags even while you’re looking all starry at him. lol I’m tickled for you!
You and your dad will definitely remain in my prayers. Not sure which is worse sometimes – the disease or the treatment? I am praying for the best!!
@caria Hellloooo there 🙂 I hope you are well. I am going to get caught up on here. I am pretty excited. He and I are going thru a little rough patch right now. But I keep telling myself that all couples go thru shit… especially when they are first starting to get to know one another. I had him over to talk last night and things seem alright. I am going to write an entry on it. And see what people think. *hugs*
@bru8282 Hello, ello, lo! You are a smart woman, my friend. You will get that communication connection going between the two of you and work things out. You’re finding out early how he reacts to issues and how he will (or won’t) communicate with you. And with all your smarts, you’ll know whether to keep moving forward or not. Just know I’m rooting for you to get whatever is best for you! BIG hugs!!
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It is said you find love when you are not looking for it, so all the best with the new relationship. Will keep your dad in my thoughts.
@sweetie04 Thank you so much <3
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Darrrrrling!! Everything must be going well with you and the new guy? More importantly, how are YOU and how is your dad?
Things are about the same here. Still at Mom’s, and she just had her fifth round of chemo on Monday. The side effects started really hitting her after round three, and she is now just about bald. I offered to shave my head if she’d shave off the rest of hers, but she’s not ready to go there and she won’t let me lol. But I totally would. For her. One more week and she’s at the halfway point.
My sister hasn’t changed a bit. She might be sober, but she isn’t recovering. She is a dry drunk. Instead of getting liquored up for her high and make her “feel better,” she is selfish and obnoxious as hell. She gets her high now from making other people feel like shit. She is only nice or wants me around when I can do something for her, and she plays on my love for the girls. She knows I will babysit for them because I can spend time with them, and she knows I will drive to dance class for the same reason. And when I heard how Ducky’s dance leotard was too small, I bought her more than one new one to fit her so she could have choices. And when I saw her small, dejected face about not having tap shoes, I bought her new ones.
I’m stepping back again. I cannot deal with the toxic. As much as I love my nieces, I cannot let my sister crush me and take me for whatever I can give just because I love them.
It might kill me, but it’s what I have to do.
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I miss you
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i love the happiness in this post. but also the realism. i wish for much more happiness for you, friend 🙂
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