Another text I won’t send to him..

You knew my past. You knew I came from shit. You knew what my Father had done to me, you knew what other men had done to me. You repeatedly coerced me to be raw and vulnerable with you, you convinced me to trust you. I really did trust you. But now, well now I know it was never just me. Now I know that you used me to get off, to get an ego boost.

Were you actually fragile, or was that some personality trait that you made up to manipulate women? Did you actually have depression or severe anxiety? Was any of it real!!? Were those days spent in bed for hours in ecstasy real? Was sharing our darkest secrets with each other real?

I will tell you what is real, Kyle; you broke the last minuscule of hope I had in me. You broke my spirit. I have been falling down a rabbit hole into hell for a while now. I was doing my best to hide it by self-medicating, and now I have an addiction. I literally have no one in my life. I can’t connect to or trust anyone.

I was a good person, and now, I have no fucking clue who or what the fuck I am. You were not alone in the cruelty I have endured, but you were the last and you should have known better. You seemed to have a soul and a heart. I adored you but now I see you for what you are and what you did, you’re just cruel.