Is it Wrong to Mourn?

I find it really hard to mourn for someone who has not been in my life for so long. I mean we dated, then became friends, dated again off and on for years. He got married and I got married. He had kids, but we remained friends. Then last month almost a week after he killed himself, I learned he died. I thought about how we still stayed in touch monthly with each other. Living a few hundred miles apart. I love my husband, he is my rock. By my ex was my first love. I knew him deeply. Suicide was the last thing I ever would have thought. Now I mourn him when I am alone to not upset my husband.

I feel weird about it all because I still loved him but was not in love with him anymore if that makes sense. But when I cry, I cry like I did when my dad died. I just feel torn about how to mourn for someone I am no longer with.

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April 24, 2024

its totally normal to mourn someone even if you haven’t spoken or seen each other in years 

April 24, 2024

@amblarr we still talked constantly but I don’t think his wife knew I was still in his life.  My husband knew but wasn’t a fan of it.  Even though I was not romantically involved with him any more he still held a special place in my heart. According to my exes family I’m hurting  more then his widow.

April 24, 2024

@brokenh3art3d ah I see. Well we all grieve differently for sure ! Nothing wrong with it.

October 7, 2024

Hello, I am aware that some few months have passed since you made this post, but I wanted to offer my condolences and let you know that is never wrong to mourn another’s passing.  Your sorrow is evidences of your connect despite and time and distances that as passed and that is beautiful. I can understand why you may feel some of the emotions you shared, it was passing on was unexpected and you are absolutely allowed to be happily married and still mourn another regardless of what kind of relationship that person was to you. In my experience times can soften wounds and I hope you are feeling more comfortable in your sadness. Happy memories that stir up warmth within you have always been my go to when morning the decease.