Trouble in Paradise

Um….bad news. The worker men finished their work today. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve been really bummed. I said good morning to Jay and he said the same thing. And, well, I didn’t get to see him until like 2 again. Which ticked me off. If Ellen did all the work she was supposed to do and/or helped me then things would have gotten done and I could have spoken with him. Instead, Ellen went to talk with her buddies at work. I wish I had time to talk to my buddies! Honestly! Must be nice. I flew down the hallway and saw him. He quickly moved all this cardboard mess out of the hallway for me. And I said thanks and he smiled at me. Looked me in the eyes. It was fun while it lasted.

I majorly need to get out of the house this weekend but I know for a fact that won’t happen. I need a break. I am overwhelmed. So yet another guy bites the dust. Oh well…I am so mad at myself, yet on the other hand, I am happy that I finally took the plunge and actually talked to a guy I had an interest in. I mean, come on, I’m 25 years old! I should have been able to do that a long time ago. I’m exhausted now. This week I didn’t get a good sleep due to the fact that I was so worried about Jay. Oh, when I walked out of Curves, I saw him pass. Oh well. My heart aches for him too because he must be sad about the whole thing too.

I don’t know anymore. I guess I just move on with life. I’m not even going to think about a relationship with any guy. At least not for the time being. I’m sick to my stomach….been that way all day. But it’s okay….life goes on…

Oh yeah and Ellen and Ashley asked me what I did with my time. I told them that I went on the computer and was into digital scrapbooking. They said I was so boring. Whatever.  I am so sick of that. What right do they have to judge me and my lifestyle? It’s not like I comment on their lives. And if I did, they would have a fit. So whatever. Good news though: Ashley leaves in March! YEAH! March is going to be a GREAT month! Can’t wait.

I am hurting! I thought about putting a profile up on a personals site or something. LOL! Make myself available. I’m sick of sitting at home all weekend. With nothing to do while everyone else my age have other things to do. I need to get out more. I was going to give Jay a note with my number on it and tell him to call me but it never happened. I was writing on a notepad that I had put in my locker and Ellen asked if it was a love note. None of her business. I said no. I was going to give it to Jay, but never got there. I am so mad at myself. Why didn’t I think of giving that note to Jay in the morning? I am so stupid. Seriously. I am dumb.

Love Always,

~Steph~