NO WAY!
Hey! Guess what???? I TALKED TO JAY TODAY! I actually did it! OH YEAH! Obviously, that’s a big deal for me. So holding on for one more day did work! YEAH! I am determined! I am so happy over it! I was dancing a jig all day at work! Okay, here’s what happened. I came down the hallway to see Jay. I spotted him at the end of the hallway looking out the window. I stayed put and pretended to work but did nothing but watch out for Jay. I waited what seemed like an eternity. All the time contemplating whether or not I should even try. Due to what happened yesterday, (which was nothing), I didn’t know which way to lean. But I thought of Justin and what happened there and how I didn’t want any regrets or whatnot so I really made the effort. He passed me first, saying "What’s up?" and I was shocked that he still was interested. But very happy! Then I said good morning. My nerves got the best of me. Although not 100%. I didn’t give into my emotions like I usually do. Now that I did that, it ought to be better….or more easier for me. I so hope. And I hope that Jay is very happy as well.
Honestly, I want to cry. Tears of joy, of course. I am so happy! I am so much better off than I was…even just a few months ago. I always have had a hard time accepting myself and who I am, but now….now things are GREAT! I am so at peace. I am learning how to accept myself. And the past I’ve been through.
Tomorrow I have to go with Ellen! Oh goodness. God help us all! LOL! I so don’t want to go! She wants us to go to Applebee’s. That place is expensive!
Oh! And, with that patient who likes me at work…the one who said that he wouldn’t tell on me if I didn’t mop, well his room mate left today so I cleaned his room. He came in and started a conversation with me. I suddenly realized that he reminds me of Ryan. Remember Ryan? He, in 2007, he e-mailed me via My Space and we spoke on the phone and whatnot and we were supposed to be a "couple" but never were. Anyway, he goes, "Oh so I’m getting another room mate?" I said possibly. And then came, "What time do you come in? 5:00?" and "You live around here right?" which led to "So you don’t have to get up that early…" and all this. Oh whatever. I am so not interested. Although I have to admit that it feels so good to have men who are actually interested in me. It increases my self esteem.
I’ve come a long way. A long way. And when I say that, I’m not trying to brag. I’m just telling the truth. I’m doing everything I possibly can to become more honest and open with myself and others. Be totally genuine. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I am so happy I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I guess that’s about it.
Love Always,
~Steph~