Let’s Get Real Here, Steph!

Okay, listen….you are absolutely correct guys. Thanks for your input (your notes). Moving out would be expensive. So wouldn’t having a dog and whatnot. I am not going to do it. I want to so badly but I am not going to. Oh well. It was a nice idea while it lasted. And, as far as Catholic Charities goes, I am not going to use them either. They were going to help me out with my finances. And, by that I don’t mean give me any money. I mean help me balance my checkbook. Also, they were going to inform me on whether or not to spend money when I asked them. For example, say I wanted to buy a horse. I would ask them if they thought that was a smart idea and they would tell me otherwise. My counselor suggested I use them but I will just tell her no. I haven’t called them back. I’m not going to worry about it. I’m glad that I didn’t just go ahead and do that. Didn’t rush into it. I am definately staying here. I don’t have any money for that kind of stuff anyway. I never will to be honest. Oh, one more paycheck and my debt will be paid off. Yeah! How cool is that? I searched Google for the Sweet Basil and found an ad on Craig’s List for a waitress. I thought that was cool. A good idea for a 2nd income but they said that prior experience is a must so I can’t work there…unless I was a dishwasher. I would LOVE to get my own place but there is just no way that I could do that. No way. It’s impossible. It’s too bad too because I was looking forward to it. I thought that it would be a good way to increase my self-esteem. I could have friends over all the time, actually DRIVE a car, work 2 jobs, etc. I feel the need for 2 jobs. That way it would keep me from buying things on the internet (which I haven’t done in months!!!!!) and keep me focused, not all panicky. And also it would help me not feel so lonely. Like I said, though, I have a few concerts I need to go to first.

I just wanna tell ya one thing: There were 3 notes and all of them were anonymous. Don’t feel like you guys need to do that. I promise you I won’t be mad at you.

So….what happened today? Nothing I guess. Despite all this madness, I am happy. I still need to grow up though. I act like I’m 14. LOL! My counselor also suggested that I buy a new car. I don’t think so! I don’t have that much money. I don’t want to be put in that much debt either. Maybe she’s not the best counselor. I honestly don’t have the credit score for a car either. I messed that up royally. That was another reason why I wanted to get an apartment and furniture from Rent-A-Center. Because I could re-establish my credit. But no. That’s okay.

I really don’t have much else to say. I called that prescription drug coverage company and they yelled at me. They told me that my insurance was enough coverage for my prescriptions. So I guess I never qualified to begin with. As far as anti-depressants are concerned, ha! I still haven’t picked them up yet. I just don’t have the money. I honestly don’t know how people live off what I make. I highly doubt there are many other single people (such as myself) out there who make like 5 dollars an hour and expect to live. It seems like 98 percent of the population has a significant other.

I guess I am known as what’s called "out-of-luck". But that’s okay. It’s not the worst thing that could ever happen to me, right? I’m bored right now….I don’t think I’m going to dance class tonight. That’s another story….I saw the woman who owns the facility on Monday as I was leaving work (she teaches at work too) and she told me that I needed to work on my form and that I wasn’t carrying my weights properly and all this. She said that she wanted to meet with me and go over how to do it properly. And so, I went to class on Monday and Patricia was teaching it. She told me that she spoke to Deb (the woman who stopped me and who owns the business) about how I was not doing it properly. Oh whatever. I felt so singled out. I am going to drop the classes. Whatever. I don’t need them anymore. It’s just another added expense.

I don’t mean to complain guys. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t think I will get the anti-depressants. What I really want to do is say goodbye to this counselor. I know that’s not going to happen though.

Um….on a lighter note, there’s a patient at work who likes me again. That one patient that I wrote about who was there before left Monday.

What was I thinking when I thought about moving out? I can’t even afford my prescriptions! Am I crazy?! I just need to find something to do with all my time, rather than sitting behind this computer and feeling sorry for myself. Maybe a 2nd job wouldn’t be a bad idea! What do you all think of that? Please let me know.

*sigh* OK here’s how counselor’s work. You tell them things that you find depressing/upsetting in your life and they make suggestions on how to fix them. You’ve probably mentioned you’d like to drive. Buying a car would help. You’ve probably mentioned that you need help with your finances, Catholic Charities can help to teach you how to manage them. They don’t just come up with solutions…

continued from last note…they don’t just come up with solutions they help you to find a way to make the solutions you need to make. Rent A Center does NOTHING to improve credit. They don’t check credit, they don’t report to credit bureaus. All they do is provide things to customers-charge them HUGE financing fees in the process making everything cost about 65% more than what it would….

continued from last note…making things cost about 65% more than what they would if you paid for it cash. The best way to improve your credit. PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME. If you live at home…why can’t you afford your prescriptions? What bills do you have that your health is taking back seat? You don’t need a second job-you need to wake up and manage your money like an adult.

What’s the point of taking classes if you’re not going to learn how to do it properly? They’re not singling you out, they’re trying to do thier job and TEACH you. Every person who is polite, friendly or looks at you may not like you in a romantic sense. Stop making things up in your mind about paitients and do your job.

I know janitors that are single parents-that have cars and manage to maintain a home and car and keep thier bills paid. They don’t have fancy things-but they do just fine on thier own. I really think you need to sit back and seriously think about where your money is going before making judgements on dance classes and gym memberships. Those things are great once your bills are paid, but it…..

continued from last note…Those things are great once your bills are paid, but it seems like you are focusing too much on having fun than being a responsible adult and using money as an excuse not to move forward.

You said: “Like I said, though, I have a few concerts I need to go to first.” THINK about that for a second. No one NEEEDS to go to concerts, they’re something to do when you have the time and money to do so. You need to shift your priorities. IF you want to have fun, take dance classes and dream all day-then stay right where you are. If not…change things…by making changes….

continued from last note: If not…change things…by making changes….NOT by setting yourself up for more stress by saying no to the help you need-like the with financial education. Take control of your finances and figure out what are priorities to achieve in order to do what you want in the future-not right now. Puitting off fixing your life for a concert you ‘need’ to go to is insane.