Financial Assistance

Hey! I’ve decided that I am getting an apartment and going to try to get back to school! How cool is that?! I’m going to try to go back to OCC (Only Chance College).  All part of my change for the better routine. It’s just been that, for so long, I’ve been stuck in a rut. The only thing the would be holding me back now is obviously the money. I am not eligible for any kind of financial aid or anything. I could live on campus, (when I was there before they hadn’t had the apartments on campus buildt yet). Except that would cost a lot of money. My brother looked into that (he goes to OCC now) and that costs tons and tons of money. I don’t know…it’s something to think of. There are apartments right in town right down the road from where I live. Next to work and a couple of grocery stores and whatnot. If I couldn’t get into those, then right down the street from there they have another apartment complex. It all depends. I don’t know. I definately have to go where I can bring my cat Pete-Pete. I would miss him like there was no tomorrow. Despite all of this, I am very happy. Very excited.

I guess I still have it in the back of my mind that I’m like 14 years old. LOL! I just realized that I need to grow up. Move out of here, get my license, etc. I mean….it’s been 10 years…why haven’t I made any kind of effort? LOL! Who knows?!  Oh, and Catholic Charities is also going to help me manage my finances. Once I am done paying this person who is paying my debt off, I am going to open a checking account. I already have a savings account. There’s 400 in that. No biggie. However, I do NOT trust myself to handle my own finances. I am afraid that I will spend money like crazy like I did before. And, because of that, I don’t want to open the checking account. So Catholic Charities will work with me on that. And also to help me set goals.

I’m wondering if the YWCA or someone can help me, after I move into an apartment, with my heating bills and things of that nature. I wonder if I qualify for assistance. I don’t earn much money. It’s something to think about.

Now I am kind of back to my old self again in that I am typing long entries on here again. That’s a good thing.

I am so exhausted. Couldn’t fall asleep until after like 11:30 last night. Had to get up at 7 today so I could go to dance class. I could barely get myself out of bed. Came home at nine, crawled back into bed until about 10:15. Now it’s 10:37. I couldn’t get back to bed. Oh well.

I so hope I can my anti-depressants soon. My anxiety last week was so out of control it was killing me.

I have to say….now I actually feel so much better about myself. Now I feel like an actual person whereas before I had such low self esteem. Going to counseling, seeing a doctor, having goals set out, etc. is nice. I can’t imagine being a janitor for the rest of my life to be honest with you. I don’t know people can do that and live off the salary. If you think about it, it’s the same amount of money that I earned at Dollar General. Not much.

I lost like 5 more pounds. I don’t understand how I do it. It’s nice though. I’ll go for like, almost one month without loosing anything and then, right before my weigh-in date at Curves, (which happens to be next week), I loose, like, 5 lbs. I’ve never gained any weight for the weigh-in. That’s nice.

I just wanted to thank all of you folks who read this on a regular basis. It actually means a lot to me. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Thanks for allowing me to express myself and my feelings and not be judgmental. Judgmental? That’s a weird spelling. It seems like it should be judgemental. Not according to my spellchecker on Microsoft Works.

I am proud of myself. I’m trying to get over my fears. One of them was going to the doctors. I accomplished that. I realize my fears are irrational. Another one them is obviously driving. I got over my fear of needles. That’s sort of like going to the doctors. Slowly I am starting to enjoy my life more and better myself. I am loosing so much weight and getting counseling too. Counseling was a big step for me in that I never told anyone anything like that before and it wasn’t easy to go to a complete stranger and open up like that. It’s getting easier, but it’s not 100% easy yet. I do it anyway.

Monday I will call Catholic Charities and the chiropractor and try to make arrangements with both of them. I will also try and get my anti-depressants at the drugstore but I don’t know if I’ll have the money. Like I said, the doctor told me that it would be 10 dollars but the drugstore says that it’s 155. I also have to schedule an eye exam again. I don’t wear eyeglasses or contacts but I want to see if I need them.

There’s a lot on my mind now. I have to say that I must be a woman of great strength. God is giving me strength and wisdom.

I’m not going to get my hopes up although all of these goals and everything are great. What if something happens where they don’t go through??? The reason why I say that is because remember in 2007? When I lost my job at Dollar General (DG)? I tried to get assistance like that from VESID but they never did anything to help until January 2008 when I first started my job that I currently have. We will see. I am banking on this.

As far as a 2nd job, I think it would be a great idea but I may have to wait until September to do something like that. Just because of those concerts. I’m seeing the American Idol Tour, Journey (2 times!), and REO Speedwagon. I have like 70 hours of vacation time at work that I need to use by the end of the year so I am taking time off for those concerts. I go to a few concerts every year. Last year I saw Journey and Boston! I try to go to the Idols concert every year but last year it was too far away. Like 3 hours away from me.

 I am going to try to go to that social phobia support group again. It’s Saturday, Monday and Wednesday if I remember correctly. It’s all over the phone so that’s really neat. I really enjoyed that before. It helped me a great deal. I found it online. But I have to wait until after Wednesday to do it because Wednesday is when the end of Idol is on. It’s from 9-10:30pm so that would interfere with Idol.

 You know….I just thought of something. I keep thinking I’m done writing this entry, but something else pops into my mind. I could take culinary arts at OCC if I wanted to. That would be so cool to me. That is an option that I will keep open. One of the reasons why I haven’t gone to school again is because I don’t know what to major in.