05/15/2009

Hey! What’s going on?

Hmm….well yesterday some patient at work had liquid diarrhea and blood all over his room and bed sheets! Ewww! That was not good.

Danny did not make it on Idol. I felt so bad. I was so nervous that I was shaking last night. Oh well. He’s still my number one. He’s still my heart throb.

Today was a very overwhelming day. We had 11 rooms to clean. I made a cake yesterday from scratch and brought it to work. Never again. People were so rude. “It doesn’t taste like cake mix” or “it’s really hard to make a cake from scratch” and all this. It wasn’t worth it to me. I don’t think I’ll make a cake from scratch again.

I really need to go on a vacation. Tomorrow is counseling. I am not looking forward to it.

I have been totally overwhelmed lately. I thought about getting a 2nd job again today. But the thing is, I have a couple concerts and days that I need off. Memorial day included. I am working with JoAnne on Memorial day, as I usually do. Anyway, so I am thinking I should hold off until they are over and done with but that’s not until September. So…what do I do? I don’t know. I’m also thinking about not signing up again for my dance class. I love it to pieces, yes, but I can’t go if I have a 2nd income. It’s too bad that I’m not married and that I can’t rely on my husband’s income along with mine. Oh well.

I was thinking that I could move into a trailer. Then I thought are you nuts?! I know this lady at work who manages the trailer park and I was walking by it, when I saw a for sale sign on one of the trailers. Yeah right!

Oh, that reminds me…all day that David Archuleta song, “Desperate” has been in my head. If you aren’t familiar with it, here are the lyrics (if you care):

Desperate
Desperate

You’re reachin’ out, and no one hears – your cry
You’re freakin’ out again cause all your fears – remind you.
Another dream has come undone
You feel so small and lost like you’re the only one.
You wanna scream, cause you’re desperate.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin
That some day you’re gonna see the light

You’re in the dark there’s no one left – to call (there’s no one left to call)
And sleep’s you’re only friend, but even sleep can’t hide you
From all those tears and all the pain
And all the days you waste pushin’ them away
It’s your life it’s time you face it

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin’
That some day you’re gonna see the light
Cause you’re desperate (desperate)
Desperate
Cause you’re desperate (desperate) now

You know the things have gotta change
You can’t go back, you find a way
And day by day, you start to come alive

You want somebody, just anybody
To bring some peace to your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin’
That some day you’re gonna see the light

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin’
That some day you’re gonna see the light
Cause you’re desperate
Desperate
Cause you’re desperate tonight
Oh desperate
So desperate tonight
Tonight (tonight)

Desperate
Desperate

 

It’s how I feel lately. I don’t mean to complain either. I hate being a loner! I never wanted to be one either!

I am so overwhelmed. Remember when the counselor told me that I should take anti-depressants? Well, honestly, I don’t think that’s a bad idea. I was considering it before but not totally for it, remember? I looked up St. John’s Wort online and I found out that you can become very sensitive to sun light so I was afraid to take that. And so, I went to the doctor’s maybe 2 weeks ago to get a prescription for the pills. Which I did receive. The doctor told me it there would be a 10 dollar copay. I don’t know how she knew that. But, anyway, I went over to the drugstore to pick the pills up. I couldn’t. My insurance required a doctor’s authorization before the pharmacist could release them to me. She said that they were really expensive and that she could give me a store voucher for the pills if I needed it. I’m sorry but I was so embarrassed that I just left the store. That was so embarrassing. She obviously knew I couldn’t afford the pills. I couldn’t pay with a voucher. No way. Too embarrassing. So, anyway, Monday it must have been I called over to the drugstore to see if they got the authorization (even though I have no way of paying for the pills) and the woman who answered had no clue what I was talking about. She just told me that the pills were there. I asked how much they cost. Are you ready? $155.90! Are you kidding?  That’s half my paycheck. That’s what I make in one week. 150 dollars is! That’s why I figure I need another job. So I can afford my stupid anti-depressants. I debated on whether or not to put this paragraph in here, but I will. I don’t see any harm in doing so. Now I have to explain it to my counselor.

Places that I could apply to include Kinney Drugs and the Sweet Basil. The Sweet Basil is a pizzeria. I figure I could either wash dishes or be a hostess. Why not? I’ll have to tell them that I can’t start working until after Memorial day. You think I’m stressed now? Wait until I get a 2nd job! LOL! 
 

Had to do overtime at work today. I walked in the rain. I don’t care. I was soaked. Some old guy pulled over and asked if I wanted a ride. Which I did but I said no.

I found out for sure that Ted is not interested in me today which is fine with me!

Hmmm….what else? I still have to make an appointment with the chiropractor and eye doctor. I don’t know if I told you this or not, but I had the allergy and asthma specialist appointment on Tuesday but I canceled it. So I really have to get in motion here.

My next step would have to be filling out applications and trying to get my 2nd income. I am still paying the person who is paying my bills off. I am no where near done. And, on top of all that, I have to open a checking account with the bank so that will be what I do with the paycheck after I am done paying them off. I am so poor. I hate it. I so want to walk to Burger King or the Chinese food place or one of the 2 pizzerias we have in town after work sometime to celebrate Ellen’s farewell. I have been wanting to do that for months now. Oh well.

As far as the pills are concerned, I don’t care anymore. They would help, yes, but there is no way I can afford $155.90 every month. I wish I had medicaid or something. I wonder if they would require a doctor’s pre-authorization. It doesn’t matter. I don’t qualify for it anyway. I remember s

eeing an ad on TV for a program from Astra Zeneca (if you don’t already know, Astra Zeneca is a manufacter of prescription pills) for a Prescription Assistance Program. I’m looking on the website now and it appears that chances are good that I will obtain this! Oh never mind. I don’t qualify.

This patient at work came up to me when I was in my closet and asked me if he could use the furniture spray to shine his shoes. LOL! 

I don’t know if I told you this or not but there was no Weight Watcher meeting this week. Possibly next week if we get enough people. We need like 3 more people.

I don’t see how I am benefiting from counseling. Yet, it’s only been 2 weeks. Last week I didn’t have a session. But, you know…my counselor will just sit there and nod her head and say things like, "Uh ah" and "yeah…" It’s not helpful. And I’m not trying to complain either. It’s just weird to me is all. The last time I went, I barely spoke. She just asked a lot of questions and asked me afterwards if what she did was okay (ask those questions) and I said yes that she was supposed to do that. Then she told me that I should be comfortable telling her whatever was on my mind. Well, I figure she already knows the half of it. From my life history so that’s not hard. But I didn’t know what to talk about because I felt I had already told her everything. Get it? I thought that she would just ask me questions from stuff that happened in the past. This time I wrote down a bunch of stuff in a notebook.

So…um…I guess that’s just about everything. I need to go and eat dinner. This took me 2 hours to type!  Talk about not having a life!  LOL!