Broken

I feel broken because I’m stuck on survivor mode. I went through a lot of trauma when I was younger and when something happens to trigger it I get stuck on survivor mode. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks trying to fight for my life after what was supposed to be a routine removal of my gallbladder. I lost 2 pints of blood and almost died. That was a year ago and since last year when it happened I have been on survivor mode. I am trying to get back to myself but it’s hard because my husband is not understanding and he is in a different place. I actually feel like I am in a toxic relationship but I don’t know because I’m stuck. I need to focus on healing and opening myself up. I need to get back to myself so I guess what I need to do I figure what would make me happy I think I just need to start working out because it’s proven that working out helps with mental happiness. I will look at going to a gym today to start with.