so much on my mind

     Hi guys. Sorry i have not written in a while. I been sort of busy these last few days. Get this… ok my ex/boy that by the way i went out with for like 5 or 6 years, messaged me the other day to tell me that he thinks he is in love with this really not cool gurl. ew. man i wish i could stop him from makin this mistake but he doesnt listen to me. i know this gurl we graduated together and she has totally screwed over a bunch of my best friends and broke up alot of friendships. and i know that she will not let him be my friend. and it really sucks for me to think about cuz i always risk my relationship with my boyfriend just to talk to him and go see him to make sure he is doin all right. cuz of course i still love him and care for him, i always will no matter what. and it just really sux for me to have to sit back and watch him make this mistake. I admitt i do miss him and still think about him.

    But with me in this deep hole that i am in i just cant really do a whole lot of anything. it sucks. I am 20 years old i live with a man who is 25 and has a 3 yr old daughter and a 3m. old daughter. its hard for me to deal with . i feel like i am still a kid but i am not cuz i am on my own takin care of two kids that are not mine. i really hate it. he has a ready made family and doesnt want anymore kids and i want to have two kids. so i just dont know what to do anymore. my brain is so messed up i dont know anything. i dont even know who i am deep down inside or what i wanna do with my life. i used to have all these plans for myself now i have nothing. i am so depressed these days.  you could never tell cuz i put on a happy act but really  i am so unhappy with life.

    My boy is good to me dont get me wrong. On the part where he does nice stuff for me and buys me stuff. Loves me,But on the other hand he is very controling. He thinks he can tell me what to do and i dont like that plan. i dont tell him what to do. he thinks he should decide what i can and cant do or who i can and cant hang out with. this is how i see it. he is 25 yrs old a big boy i dont tell him who he can and cant see or talk to. so why do i have to put up with it. he wants to marry me but i dont know about that. got any advice? note me. thanks