It’s been a long time.

hi there. i have not wrote in a diary for a long time so i prolly have alot to say. First off I still do not know what to do about this deep hole i have dug myself. I am only half happy and i dunno what i would be like if i wasnt with him. He is 25 and has two kids and i live with him,its really hard for me to deal with. and he is very controling. he doesnt like me talkin to any of my guy friends cuz he like thinks i am a big whore but i am not he just is insecure cuz he cheated on his ex with me. Sometimes i think i am gonna go crazy. I am 20 years old i still have a whole life to live. he thinks he is doin me good by not letting me do anything. i told him he needs to let me live and learn for myself ,but he is good to me  most of the time and does nice stuff for me but all he ever does is complain about what i dont do and i dont love him enough. but i am constantly takin care of his kids and buyin them stuff. granted i do it on my own but i never get any thanks. just complaints. its gettin very irritating to the point where i could just scream. then I just started this new job at a church day car center and i have to listen to screamin yellin cryin kids all day long and then when i go home i would like to relax but no i go home to mean cryin yellin kids. It drives me up the fricken wall. I dunno anymore. does anyone have any advice for me? Note me. Thanks