I am old now! 20

Wow guys i turned 20 last weekend and now i feel old. I am half way to 40. OH NO! My mama threw me a party and i got really wasted and dont remember a whole lot. haha then yesterday it was my couzins wedding so i got trashed again but it was fun. and boy was it a beautiful wedding! man i hope when i get married mine will be pretty like that. they had a really pretty song playin but i dont know what it is. so yeah i am still stuck in the deep hole still unhappy and i just cant get out. it is no fun he freaked out on my last night when i just wanted to pass out cuz i had called my friend geoff back. i try to tell him that he cant take all my guys friends away from me there always goin to be there. he just doesnt understand. and then i recently found out that my ex-bf of six years has a nasty girlfriend that is not goin to let him talk to me. and i dont kare that he has a girl but she is a slut and not cool and i always risk my relationship just to make sure he is ok and talk to him and stuff even tho my bf doesnt want me talkin to him i still do. and it just sucks for me. i try so hard to be his friend. he is being very two faced right now he talks to me during the week when she is not around but when the weekend comes he acts like i dont exist. its crappy. i hate it. of course i still love him and always will i was with him for 6 years he was my first. i love him. i think i am depressed i hate everything lately and i dont care at all about anything. something is wrong with me. well i better go. note me .