Adult child disrespect

I can’t deal with this much longer and my husband does not help the situation. Again she is 18 lives under my roof for FREE with all the amenities. She text me the other night saying how she feels bad because she does not get to spend time with us or her sisters. She was off Monday Tuesday Wednesday has no school on thursdays and works at 4. Last night she had lab til 7 and she COULD have come home and hung out with us and her sisters but she CHOSE not too. Didnt even let us know she wasnt coming home after lab. Rolled in at 11pm. Today I told her I dont want to hear it as she choses not to see us. I feel like its very disrespectful not to let us know what she is doing and when she will be home. My mother never would have allowed that. She would have kicked my ass. I have only wanted to mold her into a decent human for the last 12 or so years. Clearly I am failing and she is not learning anything.  I fear my other children see what she does and will learn to disrespect us too. I love her dont get me wrong she has a heart of gold but she knows NO boundries. She does whatever she wants whenever she wants because her dad will not say anything and her mom lets her do whatever she wants. So now that she is 18 she stays at her moms every weekend because there are no rules and her dog is there along with 4 other dogs.. The dog we told her not to get 2 almost 3 years ago.  Who has never been for a walk or to the vet and is still not spayed. Which I also do not agree with.  See here is some back story on this girl. We got full physical custody of her when she was 8 years old due to her mom living with an abuser in a cinder block garage with NO running water or toilet/shower or bedrooms. Who later let her sister be sexually abused by that same man and did nothing about it.  I have been there since she was 3. Married her dad when she was 6.  It floors me after all the shitty things her mom has done and put her through that she still thinks she is the greatest and best thing yet. And hurts me that I mean nothing to her. I just want her to be better than her mom and a responsible decent human. I dont think its asking too much to want to know where she is and when she will be home. She wants to be on her own but without credit or a cosigner cannot get an apartment. And she doesnt realize that if her dog is with her my girls will not be allowed there per their fathers rule.