The Sexual Identity Scale, Trans-Gender, etc.

With all that’s going on in the news, in the world, in the enlightenment of humanity, is it any wonder that people are getting more and more confused by what’s going on with sexuality? With their own sexuality or lack thereof, or with their own identity?

Let me explain my thought process here…

In the past, you had "Stone Butch" women, and "Big Ol’ Dykes" as I like to call them. Now…those women are deciding to be men – why? I have no frickin’ clue. I think there’s a small percentage of people who truly were born in the wrong body, but it cannot be as high as it seems all of a sudden…that makes no sense. To me, at least, that makes no sense.

Personally, I think a lot of folks are more "androgynous" and are really trying to find their way in the world, don’t feel comfortable being in the middle due to society and think they have to pick one so since Side A doesn’t work, they go for Side B convincing themselves that’s the right thing to do…just my 2 cents, as it were. This makes sense as well if you think about the fact that Society has a major issue with anyone who considers themselves "Bi-Sexual". What is wrong with NOT having a preference?

Let’s look at this in another light – as I’m trying not to bury you with too much information at once. Do you like cheese? Let’s assume for the sake of argument that yes, you like and enjoy cheese very, very much. What if I told you that you could only eat from the "cheddar" family and not from the "moldy" family? What if you really, really enjoy having Blue Cheese on your salad every once in awhile, or Blue Cheese Dressing? No no, you can’t have that, that’s not what you were born to have – you’re a Cheddar person, you can have all the Cheddar you want, but don’t stray onto that other side. …you were born a man, you enjoy women, you want to be with women, it’s your preference, but every once in awhile you like men – why? You don’t know, you just do…it’s something curious there – you became an adult, you decided to try Blue Cheese because you were curious and figured out that you really liked it but not enough to invest in having it in your home, but it’s something you like when you’re out occasionally, but now you’re told you can’t have it because that’s not "who you are" and "society wouldn’t like that." WTF? Who cares if society knows you sample Blue Cheese every once in awhile? Maybe you like Goat Cheese, too? What about that? What if you want Stilton? Well, that’s obviously a crime. No, that’s "unnatural". Are people afraid you’re going to suddenly stop liking Cheddar? That you’ll never go back to it? That somehow there’s not enough Blue Cheese to go around? What does it matter what cheese you like?

It doesn’t.

It also doesn’t matter what "kink" you have in bed. It doesn’t matter who you want to have sex with in the long run, does it? Not really. But, somehow it becomes this obsessiveness in our heads that makes it matter – that it makes you identify with, that it makes you become something you have to become because Society with a capital S tells you to do, to be, to become.

To me, Androgyny is not just a look, but a feeling of who you are inside – almost a fluidity of being mindful of yourself – of knowing your preferences and being accepting of them. Of allowing yourself to sleep with men or women, to eat Cheddar or Stilton cheeses as you like. As long as you’re not hurting the cheese; as long as you and the other person are fine with what you’re doing, what does it matter?

In my world – if I choose to sleep with a man, that’s my decision. For the record, I’ve had sex with a larger number of men than I think most would expect from me…and I’ve tried it, I’ve done it, I’ve been in a relationship with more than one man in my life – and I liked the guys, sure, but it wasn’t comfortable in the end for me. They were truly just my "buddies" that I was having sex with – there was no true emotional connection there. When Gary would look into my eyes all lovey dovey, I’d feel his love, but I didn’t return it in the same way – it wasn’t there in me. Same with any other guys I’ve been with. I realized I liked women – but, could have sex with men. What’s wrong with this? It’s the same concept if you prefer Cheddar but like eating other types of cheese on occasion. Nothing wrong with that at all, IMHO.

…I got off track here with this whole sexuality thing and what I started out with in regards to trans-gender folks, but it ties in. Considering I’m not trans-gender, I cannot speak for everyone. I have known people who truly are completely trans-gender, and I’ve also known people who have toyed with the idea of changing sexes – because they thought that’s what they needed to do…some folks follow through and still aren’t comfortable in their own bodies – that’s because, in my thoughts at least, they weren’t meant to be solely one sex or another – they are somewhere in-between, they are androgynous.

Let’s look at this yet another way – the Sexual Identity Scale, as I like to call it. All people are born with some sort of identity in the sexuality department. I think a large portion are obviously born on one side of the scale or the other – let’s visualize this scale as this:

Straight: 100 – 90 – 80 – 70 – 60 – (Bi) 50 (Bi) – 60 – 70 – 80 – 90 – 100 :Homosexual (Gay, Lesbian)

In my experience, there aren’t a lot of people that are 100% straight, and there aren’t a lot of people that are 100% gay. There are some, certainly, but not like 80%+ in either direction. Look at it from your OWN perspective – where do you fall? Are you a girly girl who only played with Barbies as a child and dreamed of a huge wedding to your favorite Ken Doll and thought of nothing in regards to the girls around you except, "ick, I don’t like looking at her breasts, I only like looking at penis’s"? Or, were you someone who thought, "hey, I’m comfortable enough with realizing that this person is attractive – and they’d still be attractive if they were the same sex…that doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them, but I can accept that there’s an attraction level there". Or, maybe you’re in the middle – maybe you don’t car

e if it’s a man or a woman, but what’s inside that counts and the level of attraction is based more on that and the appendages don’t matter?

People are like this, too – with who they are in an identity basis as a man/woman – I’ve met very few of the Barbie Doll girls that I’ve explained above over my lifetime…but, do admit that one of my oldest friends is EXACTLY this way – she LOVES men. She LOVES dick. She loves her girlfriends, but not in that way, and she’ll freely admit that – and I’m one of her besties. 🙂 She knew I had a huge crush on her, accepted it, but never held it against me, because she was that secure in who she was. See what I’m getting at? If you’re not sure of yourself, if you’re not comfortable with who you are because you don’t fit into this 100% end on either side of the scale, and you can’t accept that within yourself, you’re less likely to be okay with someone who’s the exact opposite of you – or even at the 50% level, when you could be at the 70% yourself, because you don’t get it, you can’t live with it, you don’t understand it, and you can’t figure out how to keep going with it.

Another of my close friends of the past 20+ years…Teri…she’s bi – she’s very bi. I’d say she’s about as close to the 50 mark above that you can get – and she’s rather chameleon like in that respect as well. She dated my ex Gary, she dated and lived with my ex Roni (a woman, for two years), she and I would go out to gay bars together and she really liked the big ol’ dykes with achy breaky big mistaky haircuts. Teri was a high femme, as high as they came, when she was with a man or a woman. She liked it like that. She was even like that with me, and we were just friends (though, I know she would have liked more, I knew it would never work and wanted to keep her as my best friend). I attended Teri’s wedding in 2008, and was just invited to another one that she had last month – both to men. She likes being with a big, strong provider, and it just so happened they’re both men and not women (and to be honest, Teri likes taller people and she reigns in at almost 6-feet herself, so being with a guy makes more sense with that preference). I have no doubt, however, that if the right, tall woman came along Teri would have been smitten and taken and married to HER.

…my ex, my first ex in Florida is now living life as a man. When I met "H", she was very much a teenage boy, but I had hoped she’d grow out of it – no, she grew into it. I don’t know if "H" has had bottom surgery, but when we were still in contact "H" had her tits lobbed off to practically nothing (Double D’s) and started taking testosterone. For "H", it made perfect sense to live like this – with or without the plumbing below – it’s who she was as a kid – even her little sister, when we started dating long distance, would get on the phone and refer to her as "him" – she saw that "H" was a guy, but we all just thought it was cute and funny that the little kid thought her sister was her brother.

I get it – some people really are just born into the wrong bodies and it takes awhile to figure it out. But, there are a LOT of others that are playing at it, I think…trying to fit into something they’re not. Like when you go and shop for a new pair of pants and they don’t quite fit, but you want to MAKE them fit, so you do…they’re not comfortable, but it makes you feel better about yourself for a hot minute – I think there are a lot of folks doing just that…because they aren’t comfortable in their own size, or their own type, or their own being.

Androgyny – Acceptance – Fluidity. We all just need to stop expecting others to fit into boxes and let them build their own, don’t we?

Me? I’m pretty much androgynous. I think C would agree, and those who know me. I’m me, and that’s just me. You won’t see me in dresses, you won’t ever see me in heels, and I haven’t had make-up on my face since I was 18 (and the last time I wore something that wasn’t pants out in public was when I was 19). I’ve had my hair long in the past 10 years, though I wasn’t comfortable I was doing it because certain people in my life liked it, and I wanted to make them happy…and here we are again – even someone who’s comfortable with themselves will sometimes change who they are to make others happy. We all do it. But, do we do it to the extreme?

Will you freely eat Blue Cheese on your salad if you like it if the people at your table think it’s not something you should enjoy?