Passionate trust.

Trust…

That’s part of the issue.

Passion…

That’s the other part of the issue.

Yes, there’s an issue. Yes, it’s something I feel like we’re working on. Yes, it’s something I want to correct and have get better. Yes, I want to get better. Ideally, I’d love the perfect relationship – realistically, I know this isn’t feasible, as perfection is not real and never lasts, but we can have something that’s perfect just for us. We almost have that on many levels, but there are a few more we need to work on.

———-

When we first got together, C and I, it was magical – our first kiss, I felt and saw fireworks, literally. I still remember that, still can recall the feeling. Then the ex started to blow up her phone and really take over her life. Our relationship started to crumble before it ever got a solid foundation, and that is sad.

We built something around the constant hammering, amazingly enough. C was strong enough to keep working on it while she was still keeping one eye on the past and wanting something that would never be and could never be…she just didn’t realize it and didn’t want to give up for some reason.

We have an amazing friendship. We have the potential to take over the world together…we just have to both want it at the same time.

Do I trust C?

I trust that she’s not talking to her ex. I trust that she’s not talking to other women and screwing around behind my back. Both things that in the past I did NOT trust her on. The ex, she screwed around with, on the phone. The ex, she wasn’t fully an ex…she was something else – a thorn in my side, yes, but more than that she was like a little kid who keeps begging and begging and begging until you either lock them in their room and leave the house or you give in. C always gave in.

———-

I want passion back. We need to find that – and I know it’s there, under the surface, buried somewhere. But, we need to actually have the time and space to find it together – something we haven’t had the luxury of. At the start, we took all the time in the world we needed, but it got doused quickly. I lost my trust.

Now, I must clarify – I trusted her with my business, with my home, with my children (cats, frog), with my vehicles, with my "things", but I didn’t trust her with my passion. I didn’t trust her with my desires. I couldn’t trust her with these things, yet she still had my heart…and broke it several times. I trusted her with my life, however, as I knew she wouldn’t purposely hurt me – she didn’t realize what she was doing or how to stop it. It’s the only reason I’m still here. I knew that much about her.

How?

I just did. My sixth sense. Life experience. People.

…which leads me to the passion for the relationship. I feel like it’s starting to slowly ebb back in…and rebuild little by little. I know it can come back, but we need to allow it to. We need to set things aside so that we can go back to square one for at least a couple of days. To not caring about the cats, the vehicles, the property, the house, the business. The ex is gone – now we need to set everything else to the side and forget it exists and only focus on us, without distraction.

I know we can do that if we have the chance…we have to make that chance happen.

…life’s too short to not allow it to be lived.