In a short nutshell…

My goodness woman! This is going to take a moment yeah? You’ve left me a few notes. 🙂 BTW I’m glad you are writing here on OD again. I know not lately, but it’s nice to be able to read you again! 🙂 I hope your mom is better soon…bless her heart. I also hope you and Chris enjoy the baby shower in Orlando…it’ll be a nice break I think. Boo to the broken water softener…geeze Ican see how overwhelmed you’ve been! Okay…now to respond to your notes. lol

WOW WOW WOW! This is an amazingly open entry, and I love it! I love that you were able to freely express these feelings…and I understand how you feel. Joni IS amazing! She’s pretty dang awesome and I wish she knew it, too – she acts like she does, and I think on some levels she does, but on others she doesn’t, and I know this. I adore Joni! 🙂 Bravo! RESPONSE: Yes ma’am Joni is great and I truly love her. However, love isn’t everything and things being as they are nothing can come from this that’s any good. I have these feelings, but I don’t know that it will ever matter.

Hmmmm…well, unfortunately you can’t stop your feelings – they happen, and as soon as you try to STOP them you’ll only put up huge walls that won’t benefit anyone. Allowing yourself to feel is normal and natural – but, I understand if you feel you crossed a line – and I’m sure Joni does, too, doesn’t she? I doubt she’s holding it against you (at least I hope she’s not holding someone having feelings for her against them…) RESPONSE: Yes, I’ve come to accept what’s done is done. I did in fact cross a line, but I don’t think she holds that against me at all. I think it did however make her realize she’s got a lot to process and deal with and she can’t return those feelings w/o hurting me in some way. Sooo she doesn’t return those feelings, she’s working on dealing with a lot of other feelings she has both regarding things with Marcy AND I believe maybe even feelings with the man she cheated with. SO yeah Joni has plenty to contend with the least of which is me.

…people cheating – it’s funny, my relationship with Chris started out rocky, and now it’s really, really, really strong. It’s like, we had all the b.s. that most people have after 2 or 3 years happen in the first 2 to 3 years, and now we’re doing good going on 4 years in December. It’s strange, I’ve never had a “reverse relationship” in that respect – but, a lot of it is that neither of us really wants to deal with other b.s. nor any that we might bring into the relationship, so we don’t. Concept, eh? RESPONSE: I think it’s nothing short of amazing that you and Chris have come together the way you have, but I’m also not surprised given the time, love, and energy put forth. Good things always come when you’re patient, invest time, love, and energy. 🙂 I think the reverse concept is far better because you know up front how someone handles adversity, challenges, and how they think. 🙂

Hmmmm…had sex…ya, that can mess things up. How does Joni feel these days about everything? Has she said there’s no chance in the future, or is it simply that there’s too much going on right now to even think about it? RESPONSE: I don’t really know how or what Joni feels regarding anything at all that happened between she and I. What I DO know is that she’s grieving the loss of herlife with Marcy, her friendship with Mandy, her friends that seem to have sided with Marcy, and that she doesn’t have the security she once did. She’s sad, angry, and very unsure of a lot of things. She tries to distract herself from it all whenever possible and doesn’t like to talk about much of anything. She’s closed certain things off and I am being respectful.

O M G! YES! Your wordage about lesbian friends, so so so so so true!!!! That is AWESOME! I completely agree…completely. Friends in general have been harder to come by as I’ve gotten older – people I trust, at least. I’m glad we’ve met – “C” actually caused a few good things to happen. 😉 RESPONSE: Thank-you ma’am! I agree a lot of good came from my having met “C” and I won’t ever regret all that happened because I learned a lot too. You’ve been a great friend and support to me and I’ll never forget that. I’m glad that we can now even have conversation that doesn’t even INVOLVE “C,” cause I don’t like to talk about her AT ALL. I think you and I will know one another for many years to come and I look forward to meeting you and Chris one day. 🙂