Clean House, Happy Husbian (& Teri Tales)

C has cleaned up the house – she does this monthly – it’s her "monthly maintenance". I love it! I love having a "housewife" – and that is HER description, mind you.

She informed me today that I’m, "very much Husbian material". She asked me to "clean up the kitchen counter and table" – okay, no problem. I assumed this meant to take all the clutter off of it and put things away, as it usually does…she was rather appalled that I hadn’t noticed the counter was also rather dirty. Ooops. I rectified the problem right away, but she’s right…I’m Husbian Material alright.

–Insert Shock & Awe here–

C just came down here to tell me that I could hang out here awhile as she’s working on "making dinner, and I have to cut up some things…", then she grins and says, "do you want to know what I’m making you?" (to clarify, this was supposed to be a date night last night, until I got sick on Friday night…) – she tells me, after grinning from ear to ear for a moment and pondering her choices:

"It’s kind of a play on your dinner with Teri," (more on that, later), "I’m making you rosemary garlic Cornish Game Hens, roasted garlic Potato’s, roasted Asparagus, Dinner rolls, and for desert Peach Cobbler." WOW! WOWWOWWOW!

Holy Canoli!

This is a lovely, lovely surprise, indeed! I’m hoping my stomach can handle this, and if it can’t, oh well, I’ve already called and left a message to cancel my Endodontic appointment tomorrow, so hah!

Now…

Teri:

Teri, Teri, Teri…where do I start? I’ll give you the cliff notes version:

Teri and I met in Los Angeles (I moved there in 1988, the day after my graduation and all night graduation party). We met via my friend Michael Jackson (the gay, white one), who was friends with Ruth who was friends with Teri who happened to be in town for a movie seminar of some sort for a college class thingymabobber and unfortunately the "cheerleaders couldn’t check out so all of us lost our hotel rooms and had to find other hotel rooms and I couldn’t find one and so I called Ruth because I knew she had a friend in Los Angeles." Yep, BFF’s after that.

Quick note on Teri for vision purposes – 6/ft Amazon woman (built big), long hair, usually blond, but it changed with her mood – she had a personal shopper at Nordstrom’s, got her nails and hair done at Salon’s spending more on maintenance than I generally paid in rent a month, and still had Daddy under her thumb (thus the money influx). She drove a hot red pick-up, custom model, and worked as a Repair Specialist at the fanciest Jeweler in town. She was quite an interesting woman…all the while keeping up with always being enrolled in some sort of schooling. She’s since earned her Masters and is working on her PhD – and her careers have included Travel Agent (Cruise Specialist), Receptionist, and currently she’s a counselor to inmates in Alaska. I could write a book on Teri, she’s that bizarrely interesting.

After I moved back to Oregon (last days of 1988), we started hanging out all the time. Short version leading up to dinner: After a couple years we finally came out to each other – she was Bi, I was definitely gay. Very cool. I was suddenly her "wifey" and this required me to carry in all the groceries (she liked to shop, a lot), as she "might break a nail, silly!". We were never involved in that respect, but she did have a lot of fun making me take her to the lesbian bar so that she could look at all the butches with horrible achy breaky big mistaky haircuts (she was so attracted to that for some reason…come to think of it, she liked that on men, as well).

One day, this was after we had both dated Gary (she introduced me to him, when I was still dating men, and then after I wasn’t dating men anymore she and Gary decided to date – that was entertaining), she decided I needed to come over for a "dinner date". Okay, I said, sure, I’ll come over for a "dinner date". This was probably around 1992…I come in, she promptly sets me down on the couch, hands me a glass of red wine, and gives me the Madonna Sex Book and says, "here, look at this!". Ummmm…okay…sure…

Dinner was Cornish Game Hens, potato’s, and I don’t recall what else, but what I do remember is that everything was wine red! Every Single Thing she cooked was WINE RED! Teri said, "well, silly, I wanted to get you drunk, so I decided to use a lot of wine." Now that’s quite a way to seduce a woman…LOL.

Seduce she did, and I do believe part of the reason she managed to get me into bed that night was just the fact that she put so much work into getting me there. Teri and I were best friends, buddies, and the sex was memorable for the fact that she had long, done nails and I didn’t feel them, at all. Now that, my friends, is talent. It’s also memorable for the fact that if you have ever watched porn and know the sounds that porn girls make – ya, that was Teri from head to toe…look, I know if I’m doing a good job, I don’t need you to make up noises to make it seem like I’m doing a good job – if it comes out naturally, bravo! ::shakes head:: I have a feeling guys enjoyed that with her…poor girl.

Fast forward to today, and this is one of Chris’s favorite stories about Teri…this one and the one about her brain surgery and them popping her eye out to get to the back of her head to remove the tumor. (maybe I’ll recount that story one of these days)

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style=”font-family: Arial;”>I love Teri, but she’s ridiculous and everything she tells me I take with a huge grain of salt – I just make sure to drink a lot of water when I listen to her tales.