today

theres so many things that remind me of him.

what i’m really more affected by cause its physical is the itchty burning pin prick feeling like a sting or biting or crawling.. actually the crawling has not been an issue. but the burn and sting and slight itch like irritation feeling for no reason out of no where, but i’ve been very observant about things. and yes, like a mad person, mental issues focus on some things and swears its bugs, and i’m not insane. but i get excited and of course i look like that. there are many possibile reasons why i am experiencing the physicall discomfort in different places with differenct evidence.

Yes, am i over caustious, very nit/ick picky, going over every milimeter with a magnifying glass… yes. i am that crazy over obsessive woman doing these things. sometimes i find the evidence its normal, and mostly, not understand what the fuck is happening or doing this.  i’ve read up for hours daily for months about all the scabies, dust mites, dermodex, allergies, fucking dermotology shit for skin. especially since i’m 45, going through hormone things the last few years, fucking weird things happen with my body, its excrements, its just behavior.

i see what could be possible and try to not focus on the bugs. i hate bugs so its hard not to focus and think it is. i mean it is sort of. we all have bugs. they are part of us and help us but can become a problem. i think i have a bit of that…. just cause of my environment.

so… it causes me much stress and focus and steals my life causing me to think about this shit all the time cause i keep finding weird occurences.

i moved into low income housing june 13, 2020, end of july. i find a bed bug, starting having lots of issues. no bedbug infestation, but had 2… maybe 3. bugs. cleaned exterminated, cleaned and now clean three times a day and more. fucking exhausting. everything i own is /was in plastic trash bags, now cloeths are in these giant ziplocks, i’ve bought a air purifier , airconditioner, multiple humidity termperature readers , throw away alot of things,