‘Tis the End

Whoo hoo, I completed NoJoMo!  Someone mentioned there’s a challenge in December to post a picture every day and I will not be participating in that one!  Haha, seems like too much trouble with trying to come up with a picture and then upload it and yadda yadda yadda.  I think this challenge will last me for a while…

So, I did really well!  I didn’t miss a day, although some days were quite rubbish.  But, that’s okay.  I think it worked in some ways because I didn’t write a whole lot of deeper stuff.  It kind of gave me a break from that and gave people a break from it as well.  I was able to talk more about my daily happenings or what was on my mind at the time.  I always enjoy it when I see celebrities or youtubers or writers who shift from their normal routine and allow the audience in on their everyday lives.  Lets you become more connected to them. 

I also thought it was a good writing exercise because I forced myself to write, whether I wanted to or not.  I almost feel like this is a habit now, although I seriously doubt I’ll be writing every day.  In fact, I might take a couple of days off to work on more serious entries.  But at least now I know I can do it.  Plus, I always have this thing about wanting to leave certain entries up for a few days at a time so that there’s more potential for more people to see them.  I can’t keep doing that though because I have way too much to write about and lots of stuff is getting backed up in my head and in my notepad.  So, NoJoMo forced me to keep writing, even when I wanted to leave a certain entry up for more people to check out.  So, I think it was also good for that.  Hopefully I’ll take that attitude of forcing myself to write and apply it to different projects I have in the works.  You guys, I have so many ideas that just fly through my head.  I have them all jotted down in note form but I can’t wait to flesh them out.  I have so many poems and short stories and essays and even a memoir of my first year at school that I want to write.  It just always seems like when I can sit down to write, I don’t.  I never “feel” like it.

Secretly, I think I am scared.

Even after taking that writing class and even after my professor straight up told me he wanted to get me published in one of SCAD’s student works books and even after he shook my hand and told me to keep it up, I guess I still don’t feel like a good writer.  And I feel like these ideas I have are so good and I don’t want to mess them up with crappy writing.  Have you ever watched a movie or read a book and you thought the idea was amazing but the execution of that idea sucked big time?  That’s my fear.  I don’t want to ruin the message by conveying it crappily.  I’m just not confident enough in my talents to tackle subjects that I really care about or get really excited about.  That’s why those ideas have been kept in note format for so long.  I’m just scared to turn those ideas into actual pieces, where they can actually be torn to pieces.

I guess it’s all about confidence and practice.  I just have to continue to practice and be confident in the talent that I do have however big or small it might be.  So, I’m not the best writer but that’s okay ‘cause I’m pretty decent sometimes.  And that’s something, right?  I don’t know.  I’m weird.  I don’t believe I’m good at anything and I really don’t know why that is…

But, anyway, enough of that mopey-poo stuff.  It’s time to celebrate the end of this month and the end of this month-long challenge.  I’ll bust out the chips and dip.

Partay over heee-ya!