Septoplasty
So, went to back to the ENT guy that I saw a few weeks ago. He had requested I get my sinuses scanned so I guess he could check out what was going on in there. Last time I had a CT scan, they injected me with this dye that said had around a 1% chance of instantly killing me. Now, I know 1% doesn’t sound like a lot but when the result is death, it still makes you hesitate before signing those consent forms! But they didn’t inject me with anything this time around. Actually, the entire process was incredibly quick. I checked in, went back to the radiology department for about five minutes, laid down, was rolled through the machine like a Quiznos sub sammich and then I was out of there. I took the results from the hospital to the doctor’s office and a nurse shoved two large strips up my nose.
Well, this is a flattering picture.
She then looked at the pictures of my scan and said, “Yeaaaah, there’s a lot going on here.”
Awesome.
She then spread the pictures out for me to see and explained to Mom and me what we were looking at. From what I can remember, not only did I have a deviated septum as previously reported but also some kind of sinus issues, lack of oxygen to one side of my face along with a possible polyp! What wasn’t happening in my nose?
The doctor came in a few minutes later and basically explained the same thing the nurse did except he went about two and a half times as fast. He went into a little more detail, which I was barely able to comprehend. He was like, “Well, this is what you have,” as he grabbed a model of the sinuses.
“See, this is how the sinusesdraininanormalpersonthroughtheuseofverylargemedicalwords. You’re saying, ‘Okay, what does this mean to me?’ Well, usingevemorelargewordsreallyfastsothatnooneknowswhatI’msaying I’m going to attempt to tell you show your sinuses aredifferentfromeveryoneelse’ssinuses. ‘So, why should I care?’ BecauseyaddayaddayaddabythispointI’mtotallylostandI’mjustnoddingmyhead and that’s basically what’s going on.”
After he finished, I’m sure all of the moisture was gone from his mouth. I felt like I had been hit with a verbal jackhammer. I just did what any good uneducated person does and nodded and smiled. To break it down, he’s basically going to perform a septoplasty to straighten my septum and then he’s going to dig around in my sinuses so that they will drain better. At least, that’s the hope! I also think he mentioned the polyp had something to do with hyperplastic sinusitis. As I said, he went so fast that I could be wrong. I’m sure there are a lot of ENTs that read my blog so you guys can correct me.
The surgery is set for this upcoming Tuesday and I’m excited/nervous. I’m excited because of all of the benefits the doctor mentioned. He said I would breathe better and have more energy, fall asleep faster and have a deeper, more restful sleep and basically not feel like a giant turd all of the time which is how I feel every day of my life. He also said I should see an improvement in the lump within the first few weeks to a month after surgery and it should hopefully be completely invisible in a few months. Good! Then, the guy who schedules surgeries came in and talked about how he had a septoplasty performed a year or so ago and said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said food had more flavor to him and he ate until he was satisfied and not full. He said he dropped about twelve pounds after the surgery and, of course, that perked my ears up! Weight loss as a result of this surgery? Where do I sign up? The nervousness comes in because, well, it’s surgery and there’s a multitude of ways things can be screwed up. But, I’m just trying to think of the positives. It has to be done to shrink the lump and help me breathe better. It was scary looking at the scans and seeing the lack of air in my face! I have to wonder if that has contributed to my slow decline in intelligence…
I’m scared but hopeful that everything will turn out great and I’ll be a whole new (and much, much better) person!
For all those who wanted to know me inside and out…you’re welcome.
So, labies and genitals, this is my skull. And my effed up septum. As you can see, the middle portion of my face has a nice jagged line that runs through the center. That is my septum and it’s actually supposed to be straight. Do you see the large black area on the left side of my face? That’s air and that’s a good thing. Now, you see the right side? That’s a lack of air and that’s a bad thing. They should be equal. Oh, and do you see the small dot on the bottom right (last) picture? That’s the polyp. Are you turned on yet? Hopefully the surgery will balance out the airflow and straighten out the septum.
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Everyday Entropy