Postgraduate Grotesque, Part 4
I woke up at six in the morning, a little groggy but not as sleep drunk as I was expecting. I shuffled over to the pantry and looked at the empty shelves. Everything had either been thrown away or packed up the previous night. I had left out some Pop Tarts, though, and although I wasn’t in the mood for them, it was my only option. I texted Beau and told him to wake up because he had asked me to make sure he was up by the time I was. He walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, wearing the same grey shirt and black athletic shorts that he always wore as his pajama attire, and thanked me. By this time, we were the only two left. Because Jaryd wasn’t graduating, he had to be out by the previous day and Steve had already left a few days before and had been staying with his family in their hotel.
I slid back into my bed and ate one whole Pop Tart and half of another one. It wasn’t really that great and surprisingly, I wasn’t even that hungry but I forced down what I could because it was going to be a long, annoying day and I didn’t need a hungry stomach making things worse. I stayed in bed watching infomercials for as long as I could until I had to force myself to get dressed.
Mom brought a white shirt and black pants from home for me to wear for graduation. I slipped the pants on. Too tight. Couldn’t button them. Great. Buttoned up the shirt. Too tight. Belly was showing. Awesome. Thank goodness I was wearing that tent-like gown to cover up the bumps and bulges that were present. Then I had to figure out how to wear my hood. It was really complicated so I just threw it on and hoped someone of authority would adjust me accordingly as soon as I got to the civic center. While I was dressing, Beau knocked on my door and wanted me to tie his tie for him.
Turns out we had purchased the same black skinny tie from Anchor Blue. It brought back memories of the times when I had to tie men’s ties for them when I worked at JCPenney. I was never very good at tying a tie while facing someone. I usually had to put it on myself first, tie it, slip it over my head and have them adjust it to fit around their neck. But I gave it a shot and tied it for him while he was wearing it. Came out great, and on the first shot, too.
With a little more trial and error, we managed to pull together our graduation outfits and we were ready to go! Beau said Chana’s mom was going to drive them to the civic center and I was welcome to come along so I wouldn’t have to find parking, which would have been nearly impossible with the huge crowd that would be there. I accepted and we went down stairs and met Chana and her mother in her mother’s rental car. Chana’s mother was just as I had suspected, a typical looking Asian mother with the short black hair and shy demeanor. Chana wasn’t wearing her gown. She said she didn’t know how to put it on and she wanted Beau to help her get dressed when they got to the civic center. I noticed some things never change. That guy is always going to be helping her out and saving her butt from trouble.
We got to the civic center and I saw Sarah, a ginger that I used to hang out with my first year. She had graduated a quarter or two ago but I because the actual ceremonies are only once a year, she got to walk with us. It must have sucked to be done with school only to have to be dragged back to participate in the graduation ceremony.
We all walked in together, Chana hurriedly putting on her robe and accessories as we entered the doors. We were instructed to find our line leaders, volunteers who were supposed to place us in our assigned seats and navigate the line of students to process in and recess out. All of us broke off to find our seats. I looked for the first person I could find with a stack of papers in their hands. Some blonde lady told me what row I was in and said to sit anywhere and that we’d be assigned our correct seat as soon as everyone was seated in the right region.
I sat down, bored, waiting for the show to get on the road. The seats were cramped, as were the rows, so anytime someone passed me I’d have to get up to make enough room for them and their billowy gowns to get by. Eventually the John Mayer doppelganger, scene guy and surrounding people found their way to my row. Of course they started up with their annoying conversations to make the already crawling time come to a complete halt.
As if being surrounded by these temper testers, I looked up to see my horse-faced former counselor looking around with papers in his hands, heading for my row. Are you kidding me? He was my line leader? Really? Really?! Sure enough, he came over and started putting people in their correct seats. He saw me and a crooked-toothed grin spread across his sunken cheeks. He congratulated me and asked me how I was doing and tried to make small talk when all I wanted to do was for him to go away. He eventually put me in my seat where I needed to be and moved on to someone else. Thank goodness.
Just to top things off, the valley girl made her grand entrance. For such a girly girl, she sure didn’t know how to apply makeup. She had a pile of it on and her lips were way too red. She and the John Mayer guy were making small talk while the scene guy played on his iPhone. I waited there a good hour, listening to inane chitchat and staring up at the large screen that displayed a demo reel of student work while all the students filed in and found their seats.
Finally, it was time to walk into the civic center.
It was a little different from rehearsal the day before. I was in the same row but my seat position was flip-flopped. After everyone was seated, the president got up and addressed us graduates. The valedictorian, salutatorian and all the “special” kids got up and spoke and then Glenn Close got up and spoke. I was actually surprised by her speech. Earlier we had all joked that she’d get up there and regurgitate some manufactured speech that someone else had written for her. She was definitely just coming to cash a check, a check that we all had to pay for. But when she spoke, she seemed genuine. She talked about her own personal experiences and seemed authentic with her words. I kind of felt bad for talking such smack about her but then I remembered she is getting paid for her appearance…and she is an actress. It’s her job to fake being genuine. It was still a nice speech, though.
After the first ceremony was over, I met up with my family and took pictures with Chasity and a few others. I then called Beau to see if Chana’s mom would be picking us up. I called him around seven times but he didn’t answer. I did run into Chana though and she said she spoke to Beau and he was gonna stay with his family. Sheoffered to take me to lunch. Totally awkward. For those of you who may not know or have forgotten, I’m not a big fan of Chana. I don’t dislike her as much as I used to but she’s still not my favorite person. I tolerate her because of Beau. Plus, I didn’t wanna be stuck in the middle of Chana and her mom’s Korean conversations. I did accept her invitation to take me back to the dorm, though.
Chana’s mom dropped me off and I hurried up the vacated hallways and slipped into my room. I was all alone and I loved it. I looked at my phone and realize I only had twenty minutes before I had to go back for the second ceremony. Didn’t have enough time to cook anything so I just grabbed some chips. I threw off my gown just for a few minutes to get some breathing room. And as fast as I had arrived, I had to jump back into the gown and into my car to make it to the second ceremony.
Surprisingly, I found a parking spot remarkably easy. In fact, easier than I normally would, which is so odd ‘cause finding parking is hell in Savannah. I walked into the civic center and found another line leader. Thank goodness Horse-Face wasn’t there. I went up to a lady with a bunch of papers, gave her my name, and she directed me to my seat. After a few minutes, the scene guy sat right beside me. During the first ceremony, all of the graduating kids sat together alphabetically but during this ceremony, only certain majors were placed together. Since the valley girl wasn’t within my major, she was bumped off the alphabetical list which allowed for the scene guy to sit right next to me. Amazing. And of course, the John Mayer guy was sitting on my other side.
I sat and waited for the ceremony to begin, all the while listening in as the scene guy made a friend a row behind him and started up a game of chess on his iPhone with the said friend. It seemed like I was surrounded by immature buttholes. Once the ceremony finally began, they all had to add in their witty remarks which were totally unnecessary and not witty at all. The worst part was how they all had to add on to each other’s crappy commentary. Almost like it was some kind of meathead competition to see who could be the most obnoxious funniest. I don’t understand guys sometimes. And I am one. (I’m just superior…shhh)
I sat pretty much in the middle so I had endure rows and rows of people going before me and rows and rows of people going after me. I suppose it was for the best though, ‘cause I’d hate to go first or last and have to sit that long without being able to get up and stretch my legs in between. When it was my time to walk, I got really nervous. First, our line was called and we all walked to the stage and took our place. A man stood at the podium beneath the stage and checked off our names, and then a lady at the top of the stage took our names cards to scan.
Did you catch that? Name cards. Which means it has my name on it. Right? Right. We’ll get to that in a second.
So, I get up on the stage and there are fifty people up on the stage, all doing something different. There was a lady scanning the cards, a lady doing a horrible job at pronouncing people’s names as she called them, and a lady directing us when to walk. Well, the lady pushed my back to direct me to walk but the scene guy in front of me was still standing there, fumbling with his diploma and hesitating on whether he should leave or not. I guess he wasn’t sure if the photographer had shot him yet. I was like, “Oh crap, I can’t go yet” but the lady was like “Go!” and I was like, “I can’t just walk in on the middle of this guy’s photo op!” but he finally exited the stairs and I made my way across the stage.
I had noticed a lot of people fumbling when they got up there and took their diploma. Some didn’t know which hand to use to take the diploma and which hand to use to shake the dude’s hand. I studied this very carefully and figured out how I was supposed to maneuver my hands so I didn’t look like an idiot on the jumbo screen. I think I did a good job. I didn’t trip, either! All in all, I think it was a smooth walk. The only problem was when the lady called my name. She said Brandon. Really? Really!? As I mentioned, my name was written on a card. It shouldn’t have been that hard to figure out. And yet she messed it up. Oh well, I wasn’t the only one. She pretty much fouled up everyone’s name in some way or another. I think she even got John Smith wrong.
As I was walking back to my chair, I heard my character animation professor call my name. I looked over and he congratulated me. That made me feel pretty good ‘cause I didn’t think he liked me all that much. Not that I thought he disliked me but I just didn’t think he cared enough to say anything to me. He was a nice guy in class and although I thought he could have taught a bit better than he did, he was still one of the very few professors I didn’t hate.
Did I mention I graduated Cum Laude!? Whoop whoop!
After enduring sitting through more obnoxious guy talk and J-K graduates, it was over and I was officially done, graduated.
After the ceremony, more pictures were taken and then I drove back to the dorm to change. I chilled for a bit until it was time to eat dinner with my family.
We enjoyed another awkward meal at Outback Steakhouse. We had a nice waitress with the same lip piercing as me. When she asked if we were ready to order my uncle and grandmother looked at her like she was crazy. In turn, the waitress probably thought they were, which isn’t far from the truth. And when asked what my dad wanted with his steak, he replied, “A tater.” She asked if he wanted any butter or sour cream and he said, “Just a tater.” When asked what kind of salad dressing my uncle wanted, he said “Thousand Island.” She said they didn’t have it and he looked like he was gonna crap his pants, giving her a glossy eyed stare, complete with mouth hanging open. She then gave him the choices of what they did have and he said, “Ranch.” But he pronounced it RAY-nch. Being surrounded by Midwesterners and northerners for months at a time and then having to be with a bunch of deep southerners is really jarring. I’m not saying I don’t have some southern tendencies and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being southern but by comparison, my family does come off looking like rednecks sometimes. Plus, they are so incredibly uncouth. It’s cringe-inducing. It doesn’t help when they have RAY-nch smeared all over their mouths when conversing at the table. It’s like, how do you not feel food hanging off your lips like that? It’s so gross. Add my dad’s obnoxious food smacking and you’ve got yourself a recipe for slit writsts!
When the bill came, Mom gave me her card and let me sign for it ‘cause she didn’t have her glasses. I gave the waitress a really good tip for putting up with us.
Afterward, I walked my family back to their hotel and then drove back to my room. I packed a little more until Beau came back and then we played Resident Evil some more. We had finished the game about two nights previous but we were doing it again, hoping to be done under a time limit to unlock some bonus features. We didn’t make it, though, as it was getting really late and we were both really tired. We had to get up early in the morning anyway. It was a nice way to end the night, though. I enjoyed it.
And that was it, my last night in Savannah.
The next morning was spent putting the rest of my stuff in the van and my car and putting up with more of Mom’s nagging. Now, this is the part where I can’t get too mad at her ‘cause she did drive me the majority of the way home. I only drove about three hours and then we all switched out and she drove the rest of the way. It was nice and passed the time much faster than if I had to drive by myself. I also napped for about two hours so that also helped rush the drive.
I definitely didn’t expect my last few days in Savannah to be so traumatic and frustrating and crazy busy. I do wish things would have gone smoother but I suppose I shouldn’t expect anything less from that place. Not only is that city haunted, I do believe it sits on a hell mouth. Too many bad things happen there for there not to be any bad energy going down. But it’s all over now. I’ve been at home for about a week now and overall, it’s been nice. I remember now why I was so ready to move away every time Mom feels the need to nag but other than that, it’s nice being with my pets again. It’s nice not having to shave or brush my hair or change out of my pajamas. It’s nice staying up late and not having to wake up to an alarm. It’s nice to have home cooked food and biscuits and real sweet tea and a clean bathroom. It’s nice to have a cat curled up at my feet. It’s nice to have this huge bed and soft sheets. It’s nice to be free.