positively pulverized

Last night’s workout was fueled by Pandora’s Cardio Dance station and anger.

It’s relieving when people get what I’m writing about. It’s frustrating when they don’t. I try hard to explain myself but I’m either still inadequate at communicating or some just don’t understand what I’m trying to convey.

I was frustrated and that made me angry. I thought about all these things I’d write, how I’d defend myself because, ya know, I play the victim. And then I tried to calm down because everyone is entitled to their opinion and it doesn’t make anyone wrong or right. Some try to help. There was never any malice involved. Just corroborating what’s been said many times before. So, there must be some truth to it, no?

The thing about it is I’m only here in pieces. As much as I’ve tried to lay myself as bare as possible, there are still things unknown to you, and to me, about myself and the way that I am. But that’s why I write. I’m trying to figure it out. I write as a way of organizing my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my victimization, my negativity. The whining, the bitching, the complaining is all therapeutic for me, my way of working things out. It’s actually kind of healing.

But you might not see that.

And that’s okay.

We won’t always be on the same vibe. Words get tangled, thought gets muddled, and communication doesn’t always translate the way in which you intend.

I’ve already been over all of this too many times for it to matter much anymore. I’ve been on the defensive and offensive, bringing up points in my posts I know people will address and yet they address them anyway, as if I made no mention of it at all. People will see, hear, read what they want to so why should I got to the trouble of trying to clear it up for everyone?

Don’t tell me what I want to hear. But don’t tell me what you think I am, either.

Some will walk away because of this and I’m sorry about it because I don’t like to make ripples. But it will be all right.

I guess it’s just a lesson I’ll have to learn on my own.

G’bye.

guess I’d like for you to say something to get ME mad, then. I need to WORK FREAKING OUT, I’m getting fat. (enjoying it though.) I agree with the person who said you don’t seem to complain any more than the next person. I do it…. just not here. But here is as good a place as any….and you’re not debby downer…you’re funny! An inspiration, actually, with your drive and hard work.

Don’t read too much into anyone’s notes! You seemed, in your entry, to see what he said…as an area with room for improvement. So I’m sure your noters (me included) were just feeding off what you said in the entry.

belle laide.

January 9, 2013

I’m usually pretty blunt about shit. Especially over the internet ’cause, well, it’s the internet. Whatcha gonna do about it? My thoughts? You’re an amazing guy. I don’t say it ’cause I think it’s what you wanna hear. I say it cause that’s what I see. If you sucked, I wouldn’t bother even reading you or noting, as a matter of fact. That’s me.

Katie7

People will always have their opinions! As long as u stay true to you,it doesn’t matter:)

SilverStar46

January 10, 2013

I read your entry on victor/victim last week and understood what you were trying to say. There is so much to a person and you can only convey a part of that without always having excessively long and boring entries. I’ve felt this way before when I write something, and someone comes back to tell me what I’m doing wrong or what they think the ‘real’ problem is in my life. It’s why I didn’tcomment on that last entry. It sounds to me like you know exactly what your ‘problem areas’ are and you’re working on them. Do you play the victim card sometimes? Sure. Guess what? We ALL do. I know one guy on here that uses his cockiness, sense of humor, and satirical writing style to play the victim, but barely anyone recognizes it because of the way he goes about it. The truth is that there are moments in every life that suck big time, and we need to vent and get rid of it. This is YOUR diary, and it is the perfect place to do that. This is for you, not for us, so don’t let us get you down or hurt you in any way.

If I can’t tell you what you wanna hear and what I think, then what is there for me to say, Brannon? 😛 RYN: I was mainly talking about the cycle of stupidity that goes on in criminal cases. The perpetrator makes a mistake and everyone else- be it the media, those watching t.v., the people in the courtroom, the victim(s), etc.- uses that person to feel better about themselves. it’s hypocritical.

TimeKnowsNot

My God kid, this is how I have been feeling! Like does anyone get this shit? I just want to scream “HEY I”M FUCKING DYING INSIDE, CAN YOU STOP SAYING STUPID SHIT, OR ALL THE WRONG THINGS!!!!!” It sucks when people don’t “get it”. I’ve been feeling un-gotten with my latest heartbreak. And it does suck when they get it wrong. Trust me it’s not worth fighting over. IF the crowd doesn’t get it, get a new crowd to listen. Some things can’t be explained. Hugs

I hate trying to explain my feelings to others. Most people don’t get it. If your not bipolar or don’t have someone close to you that’s bipolar, you’ll never understand my feelings. Most people tell me to think positive or that everything will be ok and don’t realize that saying stuff like that simply isn’t helpful.