new year’s evisceration
For the first time, I actually followed through with a resolution. I wanted to lose weight. I did. I didn’t lose as much as I wanted but that’s no matter because I still did it and consistently worked on it all year. I have not conquered my weight and I suspect I never will but I do feel I have a better grasp on it than I used to so I consider that a victory.
But I’m not done. I still want to lose more.
And I want to do more.
For 2013, I want to become more financially responsible. I’m old now and I literally cannot afford to be so careless with my spending.
I want to finish my book (and get published if possible). I’m so close already. I’ve finished writing it and I’ve done a first edit. I need to finish my second edit, write up all the changes, get some "test" readers, take their opinions into consideration, then publish that baby so I can start seeing the ones of tens of dollars roll in.
I’d like to re-discover my passion for drawing.
I want to find God again. This one is a bit ambitious since a lot of people spend their whole lives trying to find God. Not sure I can do that in a span of one year. Maybe I just mean I want to find peace with how I feel about God. Confession time: I don’t think I’m a Christian anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to be but I don’t think it’s fair to the true Jesus followers to call myself one because I would set a bad example to others. But hopefully I can either come around (still waiting for God to come around) or I will just remain agnostic or maybe I’ll go in a completely different direction and become a Buddhist.
I want to accept myself for who I am and who I will never be.
I tried the whole "alive" thing earlier this year and having a pulse hurt worse than withering. I’ve retired the resurrection and have returned to rotting. Sorry to disappoint. I’ve made peace with it, though. I don’t have time to worry about a beating heart when I’ve got bills to pay. I’ll get all that sorted out later when I can concentrate on it. For now, I’ll just continue to coast as a corpse.
Cheers to the new year.
We’re all corpses until we start the upward climb.
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First RYN: resiliency….hmmm. I’m glad I have it, but wish I didn’t need it. I just feel so ready to try again right now, I know it’s hormonal, I’m ovulating as we speak right now (is that enough information for you?). lol The Gent: At first I underestimated how he felt about it. Always felt this was my crusade. Then the work husband of all people said…don’t forget he’s hurting too. When I asked him, and acknowledged it, he IS hurting too. He was getting excited about it as well. So that kinda brought us together some more. I felt like I lost MY BABY, not OUR baby. Sometimes you just need to hear another perspective…which I did. Overall, we are both doing good right now.
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you’re a wonderful example of what a christian should be! if only they were all like you. happy new year. good job with the weight, too. resolutions are nearly impossible to keep.
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Damn you and your death. Try the God thing without the religion thing, start there. Then if you feel like it you can add the Jesus part, or decide by which name you want to call God. All you need to is connect, with something that you can feel. I call that the universal energy, you call it what you want. Nothing outside of you will fix you, no God, no Jesus, no book no verse. Once again,congrats on the weight loss, that is amazing. Sadly I’ve gained a lot of mine back, mostly in the last few months. But then again I’ve quit drinking, smoking and everything that is any fun, then quit the wellbutrin that kept me from stuffing my face when I quit everything else. I’m gonna be a hippo if I get pregnant. <3 ya kiddo
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RYN: Thanks. I’m trying to think positive but its hard. Depression doesn’t help matters. I try not to make resolutions because I always end up breaking them, but I try to think of general things to improve upon.
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i love this entry
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Happy new year, love. I hope you get all you want and more 🙂 and for the record, Buddhism is pretty amazing!
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I think you had a good year. While you are still searching and seeking, you did accomplish SO MUCH, and I don’t necessarily mean the weight loss. You continue to aspire and improve. That, my friend, is what is more important than anything else. I hope you find peace, love, happiness, and your own version of “God” in 2013. Though if you do the latter, you may consider removing me from your friends list. I’m probably a pretty bad influence. 😉
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Happy New Year to you, Brannon.
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And you’re not old. Duh!
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Happy New Year. I like your resolutions. Hope you accomplish some (or all) of them.
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It’s funny that you say you’ll be agnostic or Buddhist. Personally, I usually identify as agnostic, but I find I relate way too much to the Buddhist way of thinking. Being alive does hurt. No lie there. But, it does have its rewards, although many would say they’re not worth the pain.
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*HUGS*
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I agree with TimeKnowsNot, try finding Gad without looking for who they say he is. I have discovered that making peace with God required me to let go of everything I’d been told about him prior to that moment. In any case, I like this entry and I hope 2013 sees the success of these resolutions, and that you find a reason to live again 🙂
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I’ve been [secretly] looking for God, too.
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ryn- Me, overthink something? NEVER.
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