my lorazepam says i’m happy for you

"We’ll never be the same, never feel this way again
I’d give you anything but you want pain

 little water please, I taste you all over my teeth…"
-Jimmy Eat World, Just Tonight…

"She’ll break your heart like she broke mine
bipolar, baby, make up your mind…"

-Forever the Sickest Kids, Bipolar, Baby

Wednesday at work, I had lunch with work girlfriend (WG) as we tend to do when we work the same shift.  Everything was fine and well until we clocked in to go back to work and a coworker walked toward us.  The coworker pointed to WG’s hands and said, "Why are you hiding that?"

I looked over to see what the coworker was talking about and WG, who conveniently had her left hand covered with her right, uncovered lefty and held it up.

The coworker looked at me and said, "He did a good job, didn’t he?"

Confused, I didn’t reply.  I just looked at WG.  She held her left hand closer to me and pointed to a shiny silver ring.

"What’s…that?" I asked, still confused.

"I’m engaged," WG said.

And my reaction went a little something like this:

"Da fuck?"

"You’re joking," I said.

She smiled.  "No.  No, I am."

I looked at the other coworker.  "Is she really engaged?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding.

"I..I..uh, what?   Since when?"

"Sunday."

My breath escaped me.  "How many people know?"

"Um.  A lot."

My shoulders slumped.  She could have just punched me in the dick.

"But I haven’t put it on Facebook yet so it’s not really official."

"Is this real life?"

I turned around and walked away.

Later on, she came up to me and smiled.  "So, what do you think?" she asked.

"I don’t know.  I mean, it’s cool that you’re engaged and all.  Congrats, I guess.  But I don’t know why you didn’t tell me."

"I felt weird telling you."

"So, you were just gonna keep it from me until when?  You threw the bouquet in my face?  Until I saw it unveiled on Facebook?"

"No.  I just didn’t know how to bring it up."

"It’s not something you work into a conversation," I said.  "It’s a conversation starter.  Like, ‘Hey, guess what.  I’m engaged!’  It’s not that hard."

"Yeah," she said.

"Well, it’s a pretty ring," I said as I watched her admire it under the florescent lights.  It light up in a thousand sparkles.  "He did do a good job."

"Thanks."

I spent the rest of the day with a heavy feeling in my chest.  It was mostly from her concealment but also from her being engaged.  It was a two fold feeling.  Although we were just good acquaintances, maybe somewhere deep down inside, I thought maybe there was a chance she might have liked me and an even smaller chance she might one day tell me or try to make something happen.  But the engagement squashed that.   And also because I think I might have liked her, but not in the way you might think.

Long time readers will know I haven’t done the whole "friend’ thing in years now but she was making me change my mind.  But now that she’s getting married, even if not for a while, I’m going to lose her to her soon-to-be husband.  Things change when you get married.  I know it’ll hurt whatever thing we have now.  On the cusp of feeling like I found a friend again and it’ll be taken away in time.

I’m also pretty sure she’s going to quit as soon as things get more finalized, leaving me with a bunch of idiots to deal with at work.  She hates her job as much as I do and since her boyfri….fiance makes a good amount of money, she’ll probably just let him support her.  The funny thing is we’ve talked about how girls here lay around and pop out kids while their husbands work offshore and bring in all the money and we both agreed it was a cop out.  So, that’s most likely what she’s gonna do.  As much as it pisses me off, I can’t really blame anyone for going that route.  If I could find a fine sugar mama to support my fat, lazy ass, I’d be all over it.

Imagine how awkward the wedding will be.  I’d rather not go but I also don’t want to be rude.  Maybe I can actually ask to work on the day of the nuptials so I can use that as an excuse.  But if I can’t, I’ll just sit in the back, rocking a beard and bow tie and play a zombie shooting game on my phone until it’s over.  And when everyone gets up and claps, I’ll be all:

"My Lorazepam says I’m happy for you…"

  
I should bring a girl, too.  You know, to really stick it to her.  But as she floats past, she probably won’t even look my way, slipping out from under the pressure of obstacles, leaving me to bear the brunt of it all.

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Aww, I’m sorry. I’ve been married for a long time, but I do remember that feeling.

December 16, 2012

Aw I think it’d still be appropriate to be friends with her even though she’s engaged. Her reluctance to tell you shows that she cares about what you think of her. There’s especially nothing wrong with enjoying her company while you guys still work together.

December 16, 2012

Depending on when it is I could come as your date…then you could be all bam in her face and say I’m your pregnant wife. It could work. I can’t help but giggle at the Brittney clips. Poor guy 🙁

December 16, 2012

Bring me. I would dominate.

December 16, 2012

still pretty lame she didn’t tell you. i had no idea britney got so… fat.

Take a girl along? Pfft. Bring me, Bran Flakes! We can pretend that she turned you gay and I can be really flamboyant, throughout the whole ceremony. Snap my fingers and say things like, “Grrl, you look fierce!” And we can both cry obnoxiously loud, during the nuptials. Or laugh, at inappropriate times. Haha!

December 16, 2012

^^^^LOL at previous note. I used to have a guy friend from work. After I quit the job, we talked on the phone a lot, and occasionally had lunch together. One day we were sitting in Panda Express eating egg rolls, and I asked him how his girlfriend was. He told me they’d gotten married — six months before. I’m pretty sure I looked just like Brittney there.

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. And Britney is not aging well. Maybe WG will suffer the same fate . . . .

RYN: I’ve had a change of heart, which might be the first step to having it stolen. And I really appreciate the offer, but I’ll be out of town during that time. Maybe some other time!

December 16, 2012

i so know what you mean

December 16, 2012

Yeah, that’s strange behavior. An engagement is a joyful thing; a lady usually can’t wait to share the news and show the ring. Either she’s conflicted about the engagement, or cares enough about you not to want you hurt. Those images of Brittany are excellent.

December 17, 2012

That’s pretty shady that she did not tell you first thing about her engagement. The Britney pics are hilarious. I’m sorry that you will most likely lose your work friend.

December 17, 2012

Realizations are indeed double-swords. You & I deserve better than what this world throws at us. But, no matter how weak we feel, we always prove to be stronger than we think.

December 17, 2012

I obviously meant double-edge swords. My brain is out on vacation tonight, it seems.

I’ve been inspired to write about fantastical escapades that you and I could have, the day of Work Girlfriend’s wedding. I hope you don’t mind. If it pisses you off or seriously does annoy you, I’ll take it down and abandon the project. No big deal. I just wanna have a little fun. (No, not that kind of fun!) I’ll be posting the first part within the next few minutes… And RYN: It is sad.

December 18, 2012

I don’t like her. Not even a little bit. I’m sorry, but I think you had a lucky escape. She sounds like a user and abuser of friendships. Say thanks to God or her fiance or whatever because you, my friend, just got saved. I know right now it feels like a kick in the gut (or lower), but I’ve learned myself that this is for the best. She’s not worth what you would bring to a relationship. Keep looking for the one that is worth it. I know she is out there, and just as lonely as you are and she’s waiting for you to see her. 🙂

RYN: I was just looking for other ways to say “Brannon said”. To me, husky is a sexy word. It makes me think of big lumberjacks with beards, body hair, and plaid shirts. 100% man. The kind of guy that make me weak in the knees. I certainly wouldn’t use an ugly word to refer to someone that I find attractive. It truly was meant to be a compliment, but I’ll gladly change it to something else. 🙂

RYN: I know you do, but I was being polite. For once. We all have something that we’re insecure about. And I don’t really have a type. I have preferences, and there are certainly particularly attributes that turn me on, but I don’t really rule any guy out. I’m an equal opportunity boyfriend. So long as the man doesn’t look like or remind me of my dad. Haha!