Jesus is Not a Zombie but You are a Prick

Now, I love Jesus and I love zombies.  But a zombie Jesus?  I think not.

This whole zombie Jesus thing really needs to stop.  Let me just say that I am accepting of all religions and even non-religions.  In fact, some of the coolest people I know are atheist or agnostic and some of the dumbest people I know are Christian.  While I’m tolerant of a wide variety of beliefs, I will not tolerate zombie misconceptions.  Jesus rose from the dead a very much alive human being.  A zombie, on the other hand, is a reanimated corpse.  Corpse as in still dead, for those of you who didn’t go to medical school.  There’s quite a difference.  I am offended not only on behalf of Jesus, but also George A. Romero.  Pop in a copy of Day of the Dead and get your facts straight.

Next up, this whole zombie Jesus thing is so tired.  Honestly, I hear it every year and it only gets more irritating with age.  I know some people only say it because they think it’s funny and sure, maybe it was slightly comical for about a good five seconds.  Other people use that phrase to be "shocking" and "edgy."  Look at me, I’m making fun of Jesus!  I’m so controversial!  You’re not controversial.  You’re obnoxious.  And then there are the hardcore atheists who have to pee on every religious holiday by throwing in some offense phrase.  Disclaimer: I’m not talking about all atheists so ease up, Desperado.  Just as some Christians are way radical in their beliefs, some atheists are as well.  These are the one that really think they’re sticking it to the Christians by being offensive.  Not so much.  You aren’t insulting my religion so much as you’re insulting my sense of humor.  Honestly, if you’re gonna bash my beliefs, please do it in an entertaining and funny way.  Make me laugh and then feel ashamed for doing so.  Don’t just sling out the same old used up phrase that’s been around ever since Jesus and zombies hit the scene.  How about taking a fresh approach, eh?  Try taking the time you spend not believing in anything and work on your material.

I will admit that I am guilty of using the same tired expressions when it comes to the holidays.  I’ve been known to spout a "Happy Singles Awareness Day" instead of Valentine’s Day and I have spewed the same jive about Christmas being too commercial but now that I have called myself out, I make a vow never to utter those overused and underwhelming phrases.  I would encourage you to do the same.

I make a call to retire the phrase "zombie Jesus" as it’s not funny and the novelty wore off years ago.  It’s just so cliché. 

And really, when you think about it, if it weren’t for Jesus, there’d be no Christmas and you wouldn’t get your presents.  Maybe Jesus isn’t so bad after all.

In conclusion, if you believe in the true meaning of Easter, then that’s cool.  Go about your business and celebrate uninterrupted.  If you don’t believe in Jesus, then that’s cool, too.  Leave the Christians alone, go about your business, eat a couple of eggs, take some Gas-X  and STFU.

Thank you.