fate and failure
"This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I’m so frustrated
Every single second that I put it off
Means another lonely night I got to race the clock…"
-Brand New, Failure by Design
"How are you going to make an idol from the type of person you’re trying to avoid in real life? I’m afraid if America keeps letting people like that become the entertainers, pretty soon there’ll be no one left to work at Rite-Aid."
–Natasha Leggero, Coke Money
Failure is isolating. I should take comfort in the fact that I am not the only twenty-something floundering in the world. I am not the only twenty-something with a degree floundering in the world. I am not the only twenty-something with a degree who no longer desires to use it who is floundering in the world. But it doesn’t make me feel better.
All I can think of are the ones in similar situations as me who have prospered. They had the same education and privileges and hardships as I did and yet they succeeded. I stumbled. That makes me feel like something must be wrong with me.
I struggle with the idea of fate and putting faith in fate. Am I destined to do what I love and, if so, should I take comfort in the fact that I will be where I belong eventually, even if things seem terrible at the moment? Or is fate just a bandage for the broken-hearted, something people tell themselves to get through the hurt of shattered expectations?
People say, "Yeah, things suck now but I’m meant for more. Everything will work out. I will live my dreams." But, is that really the case?
One of the great hardships of life, and death, is acceptance. We have to accept a lot of failure, endure disappointment and oftentimes lower our standards just so we can get through the day.
But do we also have to accept that our dreams might never come true? Do we have to accept that fate isn’t real at all, that it’s just a nice notion? Do we have to accept that fate won’t always sync up with what we want? Why must we ache over something we can’t even control?
I always dreamed of being an artist and recently, a published author. But the insecurity and awareness of my limitations hold me back. I can practice and get better but will I ever be good enough to actually make a living doing what I love?
The truth of the matter is we all have dreams. A lot of people aspire to do great things but someone’s gotta flip the burgers and fold the shirts. What about their dreams? Are they where they wanna be or are they just biding their time until their big break? What if that break never comes? What if they wait in vain? What if they crack open and lose all hope?
What about them? What if I’m one of them?
We all stare stary-eyed at those one television who tell us to work hard, to be persistent, to keep practicing and we believe them because they did that and they "made" it. But we can’t base our judgment of ourselves on people like that because the dirty secret is talent isn’t as important as timing or connections or pure random luck. Sometimes talent has very little to do with success.
And that creates a disconnect between our talents and expectations. If we are so good, why aren’t we successful? Maybe we aren’t good after all or maybe we have the talent down but not the timing. Or maybe we don’t have the right connections. But how are we to ever know what keeps us from happiness and success and fulfillment?
People say to compromise. You might not make it to broadway but you can do local theater. You might not be in the bookstores but you can fill a spot on Amazon. You won’t fill a gallery with your art but you can fill a wall of a supportive friend’s house.
Is that good enough? Can we make it good enough?
I think it’s safe to say the majority of people out there have dreams but not everyone can follow them. But if we can’t follow them, why do we have them in the first place? What’s the point? What’s the lesson to be learned from craving a passion we can’t pursue?
I totally get this. I feel a lot of the same things…except I’m 30. That makes it even worse.
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I’m not a big believer in fate, honestly. As equally cliche as it sounds, I think you have to make your own destiny, or whatever you want to call it. Accept realistic limitations but don’t hold yourself back either. Make a game plan and work towards your goals that way. If you wait around for something to fall in your lap you could be waiting for a hell of a long time. Ryn: thank you!!! 🙂
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It would be way cool to sit down and have a conversation with you about these kinds of things. I always feel like I need to cheerlead, and try to “make you feel better” about things. My god Brannon, I’m a thirty-something who may not ever utilize her education. I mean… yeah. I hope it doesn’t work out that way in the end, but it’s possible. And while yes, I understand that “success” of others your age can be… ugh. FRUSTRATING (to say the least), it isn’t a measure of anything at all. These days being successful has a lot to do with knowing the right person, and being in the right place at the same time. Yes, hard work is often involved, but sometimes? People just get lucky. The other thing about it is that “success” does not necessarily mean happiness. I’ve told you about how I had a good job, with a good company, with a GREAT BOSS, and you know what? I walked into that office every day feeling like a zombie. I earned far more money than many of my friends, and I gave it all up to earn nothing and pay for an education out of pocket. I’m not lecturing you. I ALWAYS feel like I’m lecturing, haha. I just want to give you another perspective is all.
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Dreams and fate are different concepts, of course, so I think your statement is correct when you say that dreams and fate may not always or ever align. I’m also beginning to realize that that’s okay. The mistake is where you replace the word dreams with “what we want.” Which I don’t believe are forever tied together in the way you think at the moment.
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People change, thoughts change. That’s all part of process of actually living your life. Growing, adapting, learning, trying new things. Liking new things. Wanting new things. Your life is not forever the dreams and wants of your current moment, unchanging. Nor would you want that sort of stagnancy, I imagine. The easiest scenario to imagine is of a guy who gets a girl pregnant. Suddenly
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everything changes. He can no longer follow the same path he was following or the precise path he had planned. It was not what he wanted or dreamed. But just ask any father, and you will find out that his new path is not the “wrong” one or a hated one. He couldn’t be happier. That is where there is seen to be a difference between “fate” and “dreams” and “what we want,” I believe.
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Fate is whatever happened. But just because it didn’t follow someone’s original dreams doesn’t mean it’s not what someone wants or that they are not happy. I used to think I had one dream in life, and getting to that one dream meant success, and not getting to that dream meant failure. Which meant I was considering myself a failure every day. Always. When if you step back and think about it,
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that’s simply not reality. There are many different forms of success. Having the skills to write a novel. The brains to do so. Having a job in this economy. Having a degree. (I don’t!) There is not simply one path to success, or one form of success. And your 2012 dreams will not be the only dreams you’ll ever have. There is satisfaction and success to be found everywhere and every step.
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I think any dream can be achievable. The problem is, sometimes we spend more time dreaming than doing.
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Well you know I can relate to a lot of this. What’s fate, what’s the point, broken hearts, acceptance, desire, killed dreams….yah, I’m with you. Maybe you don’t publish a book, but I think you would find satisfaction in your writing being published. There used to be a book out “writers market 2013) or insert relevant year. A reference book of just about everywhere you could make a dollar writing. From contributing to magazines or actual publishers. Just an idea (if the book still exists, I bought one in 1997). We make our own life, nothing is in the stars for us. I don’t think anything is out of our reach. Lord knows I’m reaching with everything I have. I will slap you in the face with this, if I can go through what I am going through, you can strive for what you want. College degrees and no good jobs. Welcome to America. I am very glad I picked nursing before a college degree became worthless. The Gent has 3 kids, all with degrees, none of them doing what they should be. The oldest has a MBA, he works for a college doing recruitment, or something else totally unrelated. His other son has a 5 year degree in (not sure what it is) he works for verizon.
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If you ( the general you) really wanted to be doing something, you’d be doing it regardless of fame, money, or critical acclaim. People who achieve real success didn’t fall into it magically.. they committed to achieving something on their own, even when the situation wasn’t ideal.
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The only reason i have the stenographer interview is because the hiring director knows my dad. People DO fall into dream jobs magically just because they know someone. That’s why America is failing; everyone gets one ups while the qualified people are working retail. Think Enron, government, politics.
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I agree that everyone has dreams. Most people just give up on them too quickly. I know I have. But I truly believe that you will become a published writer one day. You have too much talent to let it waste.
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I heard someone say that there’s a difference between someone who wants to be a Writer and someone who wants to write. The former wants fame or money or critical respect. The latter wants to create art. You can write good stuff without receiving fame, money, or critical respect. Who knows, filling a spot on Amazon might be good enough.
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