Complacence

I am thoroughly broken and exhausted but my film is finally done.

I kept telling everyone (and myself) that I was going to be done by this past Sunday.  Unfortunately, as I feared would happen, I worked every day up until today, submission day.  The past two nights I’ve stayed up until 6:00am to finish.  But I did and now I don’t have to worry about it any more.

It’s weird because all of these weeks I’ve been working on individual scenes, putting all of my concentration into one area and then to finally finish them all and put them together and to see the final product…it was quite underwhelming.  I hate to be one of those people that is always unhappy with their work.  It’s not that I’m unhappy but I just wish I was a bit prouder of it because I feel I didn’t execute my concept properly nor did I represent my skills as an animator very well.  Then I have to consider the fact that I have never taken on such a huge animated piece before.  The longest animation I did up until my senior project was 15 seconds.  This film is nearly two minutes.  Plus, I’ve only been animating for nearly a year.  Being a transfer student really screwed me over because I came into the school as a sophomore/junior and was thrust into animating before I was fully prepared.  Plus, I’ve had other classes I’ve had to devote my time to.  With those facts in mind, I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  Still, I can’t help but to think I could have done more, could have made it better.

It’s also weird to realize that I’m done.  I’ve been working on this for twenty weeks and so I guess I’ve become accustomed to the fact that I had to do some daily work on my film.  The closer I came to finishing, the harder it was to accept that I was having less and less to do.  My roommate Steve said it best when he said, "It feels like you’re running a race and you’re going so fast and then all of a sudden you hit a brick wall."  It really feels that way, especially in the last days.  I worked myself up into a frenzy, ferociously coloring and scribbling all over my characters, putting together scenes and sewing up shots and then boom, there it is, complete and it’s hard to realize you’ve come to the end when you’ve raced so fast to get there.  It was almost anticlimactic.  Not that I know what should have happened.  Hm, maybe some trumpets and a bucket of confetti?

Presentation was today and I’d like to say I heard a chuckle or two from some of the other students.  The thing is, we’ve had four previous presentations, so no matter how funny some parts of my film are, seeing them four other times stifles the hilarity a bit.  I looked around for reactions and most of the students sat with their eyes glazed over from exhaustion or glued to their computers to finish their films at the last minute.  The professor was smiling, though.  That’s always a good sign.

After the film was done, the professor immediately said, "I don’t like the music."  Ouch.  I made that music, too.  I guess this is why I pick up pencils instead of guitars.  I guess it’s not that he didn’t like it but he said he didn’t think it fit with the film.  It was too dark and foreboding.  That’s kind of what I was going for but at the same time I can understand where he’s coming from.  I wasn’t one hundred percent sold on the music but frankly, it was ten at night and I still had to edit the film together.  I just took a song I had already created and reworked it for the film in an hour.  I think it’s pretty good considering.  I was a little disappointed by that but he said the visuals were good.  An hour’s worth of music can be replaced but ten week’s worth of coloring can not!  Not easily, anyway.

Came back to my room after the final presentation and took a very long, much needed nap.  Later on I had dinner with my roommates.  Later on, I checked my grades online and I made an A- on my film!!  So happy about that.  I really thought I was gonna get a B.  And speaking of, I made a B+ in my 3D Character Animation class.  I was expecting a low B in there.  So, overall, very happy with my grades this quarter.  I hope dropping that one class earlier this quarter won’t prevent me from making the Dean’s List again.  I’ve been on the list every quarter since I came here.

I’m happy about my grades but not completely satisfied with my film.  Glad to go home tomorrow but so exhausted that I don’t want to make the trip.  But I will because I know it will be worth it when I get home.  And now that I’m finished, I can update more often!  These crappy update entries lately have not been cutting it.  I’ve got several entries in the works and a whole week to get them out.

See you from home.