Black Friday? More Like Whack Friday!

No Phase 2 Friday article today.  Besides the special radio show, everyone had the week off.  Although I’m the new kid sitting at the lunch table, everyone at the site has been working hard on it for months now so they all took a well deserved break and I just happen to benefit from it!  I could write all day every day if I was allowed but it’s all good.

With that being said, I debated long and hard on whether I should do a special "Thanksgiving" post.  I finally decided against it for several reasons.  First of all, I felt kind of icky about doing something that everyone else was doing.  It almost cheapens it, knowing that I’m just kind of following everyone else’s lead and throwing in my thanks that will just get lost in the millions of other thanks that will be coming out at the same moment.  Now, let me say that I have nothing wrong with other people doing it.  Your thanks are made no less significant than anyone else’s.  I’m not trying to act superior and say that I don’t want to belong to "that crowd" or anything like that.  Just remember that I’m a basket case and my reasoning behind anything that I do or do not do is always gonna be jacked up.  It’s hard to explain.

Secondly, I think I’ve adequately described my gratitude and expressed my good fortune over the past several posts of mine.  I’d just be going over already marked territory.  I hate to be cliche but shouldn’t we give thanks every day?  But, hey, it’s cool that people at least take one day out to be reminded of how good they have it, or at least to acknowledge that they have it better than a lot of other people.  I feel, for me, I’m reminded quite often of how fortunate and blessed I am.  Especially with my bad attitude.  I can’t seem to be too bitter for too long because I always end up feeling guilty.  How can I be upset about having a crappy job when some people have no job at all?  How can I gripe about running out of food when some people have no food to run out of?  Yeah, I’ve covered this before.  And I will cover it again.  Just not today.

And lastly, I think I was at my least appreciative yesterday than I usually am on any other given day.  Thanksgiving has become a shadow of itself over the past several years and it just seems to keep getting worse.  I have to wonder if this is because I am older and my perceptions have changed or if maybe the people themselves have changed.  I guess it’s a mixture of both.  Thanksgiving used to be this huge gathering at my grandmother’s house.  She’d prepare a gigantic feast and by noon, almost our entire Jackson clan would be there to sit at the table, enjoy the food and each other’s company.  It used to be a big deal.  But, as the years went by, people branched out and made their own families or had to work on Thanksgiving and the numbers dwindled.  People lost respect for the noon start time and started coming in around one or two or three in the afternoon, after all the food had already been covered in foil.  No one stayed for too long, just enough time to throw back some turkey and chug some beers before leaving to go pass out.  This year was the worst.  My grandmother has four sons and so you think about those four sons and their wives and their children.  That’s a respectable number of people.  Well, only one of my grandmother’s sons and family showed up this year and that was my dad and us.  My cousin Kristie and her children were also there.  Some random family member would stagger in here or there but we were mostly it.

It seems like our family is unraveling.  I honestly don’t know most of the people that pass through my grandmother’s house.  And they probably don’t know much about me, either.  Everyone is popping kids out like crazy and I never see these kids so they grow up and they always look three years older although only one year has passed.  And you know how kids can be shy around strangers.  Well, that’s how they act around me and my sister ’cause we are essentially strangers to them.  It’s weird to have your own family cower away from you.  And it seems every year, there’s more people but less teeth.  And I don’t mean more people that show up.  That number always goes down.  I mean the number of new people that pass through is so much so that I can’t keep track.  People bring their boyfriends or girlfriends or baby mamas or babies or mamas and then you never see them again.  Everyone is a stranger to me as well and that makes me cower.

If it weren’t for my grandmother, I wouldn’t even want to show up myself.  Everyone is disconnected and frankly, I don’t even want to see these people in the first place.  We have nothing in common.  They are all straight up rednecks who like to spit and cuss and not brush their hair or teeth.  I can’t get down with that.

Thanks for bringing down Thanksgiving for everyone, Brandork.

You’re welcome.

So, of course, it’s Black Friday and that means mass hysteria.  I can hear gunshots from my window as I’m typing this.  I always like to share this lovely little video on this day, to both amuse and educate the public.

Now, I think this is hilarious.  When I discovered this video about a year or two ago, I watched it repeatedly and had a good, hardy chuckle and the wig lady’s expense.  I recently learned that the lady with the runaway hair was probably pregnant, which makes it slightly less hilarious but still pretty darn funny.  That might seem cruel but really, she should have known better.  When you go shopping on Black Friday, you gotta expect you’re gonna bleed at some point during the day.  Also, I don’t feel that bad.  She must not have been too hurt ’cause she was able to snatch that wig up right quick and situate it back on her big ol’ head.  Suck it up, lady!  Better put that weave in your purse and keep going before those flat screen televisions disappear!  Plus, you don’t know what was going on before that footage starting rolling.  Titch probably shanked two or three people in the parking lot just to get a good spot.

 But, really, that video is just more evidence of how dumb and materialistic Americans are.  How obsessed are we over getting a good deal that we have to push and shove people to the ground just to get that Xbox?  Are we really willing to assault someone in front of us just to get to the Miley Cyrus dolls?  Come on, people!  Get it toge

ther.  It’s not worth putting another human’s safety at risk.  Well, Transformers are but that’s besides the point!  Basically, we suck and this video confirms it.

And if that didn’t tickle your funny bone, this should!  Paula Deen being hit in the face with a giant frozen ham.  Finally, the hogs have their revenge.
 

Don’t worry, kids.  Paula’s taken large pieces of meat to the face before.  She’s used to it.