After Summer Surgery

Tomorrow is the big day.

I’m not so much nervous as I am ready to get it done so I can move on with things. I have a job I need to be finding and I can’t worry about potential employment interviews and follow up doctor appointments conflicting.

And speaking of jobs, the lame company that I had to take all of these tests and hand over my liver for never called me back. I’m not too heartbroken or anything because I knew the odds were against me with all of these middle-aged moms with more filing experience than me. I mean, I’m sure they could photocopy some documents at dazzling speeds. Obviously, I was outranked.

My cat, Moses, has been glued to me the past few days and I have to wonder if he’s just into me at this moment or if there are darker reasons present. I don’t know about other cats but Moses has these tendencies to stay in one spot for long periods of time. He picks a couch, for instance, and will stay there day and night for days or weeks at a time. And then he’ll get tired of sleeping there and so he’ll sleep under the dining room table. And then my room. And so on. And at this moment, he’s really into sleeping in my room on my bed. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but I can’t help but to wonder if he knows I’m going into surgery tomorrow and he knows I’m going to die (like for real this time) and he’s spending all the time he can with me before the scalpel slips out of the doctor’s hand and punctures my carotid artery.

Meet Oscar.
If he’s coming your way, you’re screwed.

This little kitty predicts the death of nursing home patients in Rhode Island. His usual routine is to make his rounds until he finds someone about to pass away, hangs out in their room for a bit and when the time comes, he curls up on the beds of the dying until they take their last breaths. How freaking creepy is that? And I have to wonder if my cat has the same power of predicting death.

As I mentioned, he just has his usual "flavors of the month" and perhaps this particular flavor just happens to coincide with me being put to sleep and having a sharp shiny object shoved in and out of my nose/sinuses in rapid succession. I’m being silly, right? Or am I writing my last words?

As far as prescription medication, I’m loaded. Or, well, at least I will be after popping all those pills the doctor gave me. I have five medications plus a saline nasal spray I’m supposed to use. What don’t I have? I’ve got pills for pain, swelling, nausea, anxiety, and just for good measure, I’m pretty sure he threw in some birth control. Hey, you never know what those doctors do to you when you’re under! Of course, if I don’t make it, my pills will be available for purchase at my Etsy store for others to enjoy.

Let’s talk about side effects, shall we. We’ve got one pill that could cause diarrhea, another that could cause constipation. Talk about having a stalemate with your stool. And wtf is "coffee ground" vomiting? Never even heard of that before but I can imagine it to be very gritty…throat exfoliating, perhaps?

I guess that’s about it. I have to be up at 4:30 am to get to the hospital, where my surgery will take place at 6:30 am. All the paperwork has been filled out so all I have to do is show up and then they’ll direct me to my death operating bed.  If you believe in prayer I could use a few and if you believe in positive vibes, I could use some directed my way.  Thanks and if I make it out alive, I’ll update as soon as I can.

I think I’m gonna have to kick Moses out of my room tonight.