Tears of frustration or tears of anger…?

I don’t know anymore, I just don’t know…my grandmother was by our house today for lunch and after we finished clearing up from the meal she started talking to me about how once me and my sis are seperated i’ll feel differently about her and I said that no I won’t cuz I can’t stand being around her anymore and then my grandmother says with tears in here eyes-you don’t know what its really like to be seperated…To understand why this pulled at my heart and made me feel like a horrible person, you’d have to know that my grandmother was in Auschwitz in the holocaust and lost almost all of her family…I felt like I made her cry and that I was being insensitive to her feelings even if unintentionally…don’t you hate when things make you feel like a shitty person even when they shouldn’t? not really anyways…

Wtvr, now to something else…I was talking to yuda the other night and he started acting like a psychologist that has answers to everything…and as much as it pissed me off, I have to admit that some of what he said was right…but why the hell does he think that giving me hypothetical answers over the phone is gonna do anything? is he living through what I am? is he living with the people that I am? is he suffering for what he does and doesn’t believe in, like I am? does he have to hide who he really is from the people that are supposed to care about him most, like I do…? Who knows…maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t…but I wouldn’t know because why the hell would he tell me anything about his life…?! He just keeps digging and digging and trying to get me to tell him things about me and my life(and succeeding pretty often) but the second I ask him anything about himself, he evades it and then changes the subject…i’m sick of being everyones expiremental playtoy…dave wanted kissing-he found a way to get it…yuda wants to play psych, hes using me to do that…why can’t the just leave me the hell alone? why can’t I find someone who will really care about me for who I am and not for who and what they want me to be…?!