I need to tell someone…

I can’t believe I just did that…I absloutely positively cannot believe I did that…I promised myself that I was gonna keep it to myself until it passed, that I wouldn’t tell anyone cuz it would just cause more problems…but did I listen? Of course not…I had to send Rhonda the email telling her theres something wrong…something I need to talk to someone about…cuz its true…I really need to talk to somebody about it…its eating me up inside and I need someone to be there for me…its about Dave…!

You have no clue how stupid I feel…after everything thats happened and after how much I hurt him and how much he hurt me- how could I still want him? How could I still feel anything for him? But for some unknown reason, I do…I still feel for him and now, I want him…and theres not a damn thing I can do about it cuz hes way past me…so is there really any point in my telling Rhonda? Wont she just say, I told you so…or will she really be there for me? Will she say get over it or will she tell me it’ll be ok…it’ll pass…stay strong…will she understand me or will she say its all my fault?

Damn…why the fuck do I want him so badly…”I believe you dont know what you’ve got until you say goodbye”…Savage Garden’s song-Affirmation…its so damn true…when he wanted me, I didnt wanna have anything to do with him…but now that he doesnt want me anymore, I realize how much I want him, feel for him, maybe even love him…Goddamnit…why does it have to hurt so much?